Oh.  I was supposed to talk about "The Loco-Motion," wasn’t I?  The song sucks.  Moving on.

9.  Don’t Be Cruel – Cheap Trick  The first of our back-to-back "Don’t Be Cruel" entries in this week’s chart.  1988 was the year of the Inexplicable Cheap Trick Comeback; after all, just a few years prior (as documented in Darren’s excellent Idiot’s Guide over at Jefito’s place), they were relegated to Opening Act For Ratt.  How exactly they wound up with any kind of radio airplay in 1988, I’ll never know.  Either way, after the success of "The Flame," the band was able to ride this Presley cover to #4 just a few weeks prior.  I still have this one on 45 somewhere.  Incidentally, Cheap Trick’s "Don’t Be Cruel" was the first Elvis Presley cover to hit the US Top 10 since his death in 1977.

8.  Don’t Be Cruel – Bobby Brown  And thus began four years of The Unsinkable Bobby Brown.  (Heh.)  Although this track peaked at #8 this week in 1988, it was the first of five top 10 hits from the album of the same name that surfaced later in 1989 (and in the middle, he had a hit with "On Our Own" from the Ghostbusters II soundtrack).  Produced and written by the hot hitmaking team of L.A. Reid and Babyface, the entire Don’t Be Cruel album showed Brown’s skills in R&B, hip-hop, rap, dance, soul, and ballads.  This track was a good, solid start, showcasing his smooth voice and passable rap flow, although to be honest, most of his other hits sounded pretty similar to this one.  The only thing wrong with "Don’t Be Cruel" was that, in my opinion, it ended too soon; it went straight from a rap into the fade.  But what do I know?

7.  Don’t You Know What The Night Can Do? – Steve Winwood  When I hear this song, one word comes to mind: Michelob.

Listen, I have no problem with rock songs being used in commercials.  (As a Who fan, I’d be a hypocrite if I did.)  This will be an argument for many until the end of time, but I don’t have an issue with it.  That being said, this was pretty blatant advertising – other than maybe U2 and the iPod, are artists appearing in commercials like this anymore?  See, Steve Winwood was in the commercial, and there are people in a bar and…oh, why bother explaining it when someone has actually gone to the trouble of uploading the commercial to YouTube?  God Bless The Internet!

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And since I know somebody will ask if I’ve done the research, I want you to know I have, and I’ve verified that in 1988, the night did indeed belong to Michelob.

6.  Kokomo – The Beach Boys  The less said about "Kokomo," the better, right?  I felt the same way until I read this article in Entertainment Weekly, written by one of my favorites, Scott Brown.  Seriously, go read it.  I’ll be here when you get back. 

You may think there’s nothing interesting about "Kokomo," but with a history involving John Phillips, John Stamos, Van Dyke Parks, Terry Melcher, Ry Cooder (!) and the Walking Asshole Mike Love…there’s gotta be at least one or two interesting tidbits.  And there are.  Like most other people, I can’t stand the song, although it was nice to see Carl Wilson on television again.  Of course, for every Wilson moment, you’re also stuck with a moment from Love, who still thinks that his co-writing credit on "Kokomo" (which was a huge hit for The Beach Boys) is something to hold over Brian Wilson, whose song "Love And Mercy" was released around the same time and failed.  I’m not the first to say it and I certainly won’t be the last, but man, does Mike Love need a kick in the teeth.

5.  Wild, Wild West – The Escape Club (download)  My instinct is to call The Escape Club one-hit wonders, but I’m sure Jeff, Carlos or somebody else smarter than yours truly would remind us all that they actually had a #8 hit in 1992 1991 (Jeff, you scare me) with a tune called "I’ll Be There."  I don’t think I’ve ever heard this song.  In any case, I absolutely loved "Wild, Wild West."  Maybe it’s because it was 1988, I was young, and would always giggle when they said the words "safe sex."  Either way, I had the cassingle as well as the 12", which had two unnecessary seven-minute remixes.  That’s how much I dug this song.

But now that I’m older…well, okay, I’m still liking it, I admit.  Yeah, I can now recognize that the verse style is a lift from "Pump It Up" by Elvis Costello, but the novelty of the song in general – as well its obvious frozen-in-time quality – is still there for me.  See if it’s still there for you, too.

I could be making this up, but I could have sworn that the song was eventually re-released with the line "Ronnie’s got a new gun" changed to reflect the fact that Bush had just won the election.  Can anybody confirm?

4.  Love Bites – Def Leppard (download)  The only thing I can say about "Love Bites" in particular is this:  if you liked the rest of the six songs that hit the charts from Hysteria, you probably loved this one as well.  Please understand, I don’t want to love any of these songs,  but in truth, I love all of them.  I love the huge Mutt Lange production.  The consistent, full sound of the backing vocals.  The pre-chorus.  Oh, the pre-chorus!  All the big Def Leppard songs on Hysteria had ’em, and you can thank Mutt.  So again, if you love that stuff, or if you loved it back then, "Love Bites" was right up your alley.  Originally, the song was a country ballad – we can all be thankful that it didn’t wind up in Shania’s pile.

All this talk about "Love Bites" has put me into a nostalgic mood.  Good thing Hysteria: Deluxe Edition is coming out next week, according to Def Leppard News.

One person who will not be a member of the reunion is founding member Kurt Harland.  Kurt was approached by the VH-1 Show "Bands Reunited" in 2004 and, while the broadcast episode makes it appear that Kurt agreed and then backed out, Kurt tells a very different story.  You can read the whole thing here.  If you’ve got a few minutes, check it out – it’s a great tale of being ambushed by a scummy production company.

Again, I’ve strayed from discussing the song itself.  (In this case, it’s because I don’t want to write the title all over again.)  Balancing the lines between electronic, dance and industrial, the song features a couple of Star Trek samples (that’s Spock saying "Pure Energy"), courtesy of Adam Nimoy, Leonard’s son.

I’ve always found it fascinating how many British artists seem to lose their accents when they sing.  Elton John doesn’t sound especially British, nor does George Michael, Freddie Mercury, Roger Daltrey, etc.  So how come Information Society sounds British when they’re from Minnesota?

2.  Red, Red Wine – UB40  Okay, listen up.  We’re not going to have this argument again.  I want to preface this by saying that I do not think the members of UB40, either separately or collectively, are hacks.  There is no denying the fact, though, that UB40 have never had an original hit in America.  "I Got You Babe," "Red, Red Wine," "The Way You Do The Things You Do," "Here I Am (Come And Take Me)," and "(I Can’t Help) Falling In Love With You" are all covers.  I’m just making the statement.  I would argue that every cover has had a UB40 flavor (and nevermind that this flavor is the same across the board), and I especially like "Red, Red Wine" more than any of the others.  Still, America has not taken kindly to the original works of UB40.

Remember the Benny Mardones post where we discussed the DJ in Phoenix, Arizona?  The one who resurrected "Into The Night" nine years after its inital peak on the Billboard charts?  Well, UB40’s "Red, Red Wine" had actually reached #34 back in March of 1984, but after their performance of the song at the "Nelson Mandela’s 70th Birthday Tribute" in July of 1988, it was resurrected and brought back into rotation…by a DJ in Phoenix.  Same DJ?  No clue.  Still, a cool story.

1.  Groovy Kind Of Love – Phil Collins  As you have seen this week, we’re all about the covers.  "Groovy Kind Of Love" was a cover of The Mindbenders’ #2  hit in 1966….who took it from Patti LaBelle and The Blue Belles the same year…who got the song originally from Carole Bayer Sager (her first pop hit) and Toni Wine….who copped the melody from Clementi’s Sonatina Op. 36: No. 5 in G Major.  Everybody got that?

This specific version of "Groovy Kind Of Love" was from the soundtrack to the movie Buster, also starring Collins.  I remember it being tremendously overplayed at the time.  I think that this is the first time I’ve really heard the song in many years, and surprise surprise, I think that it’s actually a very simple and sweet song, despite it being bathed in typical ’80s/Collins vocal and keyboard effects.

If you know this song purely because it was played at Monica and Chandler’s wedding, you’re too young.

9.  Heart Attack – Olivia Newton-John  I can’t think of anything particularly special to say about "Heart Attack" other than it just represents yet another hit for Olivia Netwon-John during her 10 years on the US charts (1974-1984).  "Heart Attack" was her 14th and penultimate appearance on the top 10 ("Twist of Fate" hit #5 in 1984).  Yes, eventually it all fell apart, as our good friend Jefito mentioned a few weeks ago, but damn, was Olivia hot in the early ’80s.  Fun Fact: in 1975, she won "Female Vocalist of the Year" by the Country Music Association, which angered so many CMA members that they left the organization and formed the Association of Country Entertainers.

8.  You Can Do Magic – America (download)  I know, I know: I’m treading very close to Mellow Gold territory.  If that’s the case, then go ahead, enjoy an additional song for your wussy arsenal.

Despite some truly lame lyrics (nobody should ever use the phrase "you know darn well" in a song) and more than a passing resemblance to a few of their other songs (and I’m not just talking about the wimpy vocal), there are some fantastic backing vocals on "You Can Do Magic."  I don’t have anything else to say about this song, except I love it and I guarantee Mike and I will be playing it at an upcoming gig.

7.  Somebody’s Baby – Jackson Browne  I was trying to think of an appropriate word to describe Jackson Browne based on his hits.  "Wussy" doesn’t quite fit.  "Harmless" fit until I remembered he allegedly beat up Daryl Hannah.  Any suggestions?  In any event, "Somebody’s Baby" was Browne’s biggest (and only second) top 10 hit.  Suitably catchy with a pretty vocal, it sounded instantly to me like a "movie soundtrack song," and this was before I figured out it was on the soundtrack for Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

6.  I Keep Forgettin’ (Every Time You’re Near) – Michael McDonald  Michael McDonald is the king.  What more needs to be said.  Did I tell you that I bought a Michael McDonald baseball cap at his concert this summer?  It’s awesome.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, back to the song: it’s fantastic.  I do have two minor issues with it, though: first of all, Maureen McDonald, the female vocalist (and Michael’s sister) who sings the chorus halfway through the song (while McD’s totally riffin’ with "babyyyy" and "yeah yeahhhh" and other great ad-libs) never gets any credit.  Second, why the parentheses?  We’ll discuss this in further Chart Attack! postings, but I just don’t understand the need for the parenthetical titles of songs most of the time.  Why in this case?  Was it to separate this tune from a similarly titled song by Leiber and Stoller?  Does it help us understand it’s a love song?  Does Michael McDonald just like a good set of parentheses every once in a while?  The world may never know.  Or care.

If you only know this song because of Warren G and Nate Dogg’s "Regulate," then I’m very, very old.

5.  Abracadabra – The Steve Miller Band  Despite Steve Miller’s penchant for writing the most inane, idiotic lyrics known to man, the dude knows how to craft a hook.  This was Miller’s last real dent on the singles chart, not that it must have bothered him any; between the sale of his greatest hits album and nostalgia tours, the man is…shall we say…."comfortable."  Example: I saw The Steve Miller Band in 1995 when they were touring with The Doobie Brothers (with McD, I might add).  About three or four songs, he finally spoke to the audience.  "We’re nearing the end of this tour," he exclaimed, "and we can’t wait to go home!"  That’s all he said.  Thanks, dick.  Nice to see you too.

By the way, "Abracdabra" is two minutes longer than it needs to be.  I’ve decided.

4.  Hard To Say I’m Sorry – Chicago  For better or worse, I grew up on this incarnation of Chicago.  Y’know, the David Foster, sappy ballad stuff.  And I don’t think I’m the only one who grew up in this era of Chicago, either.  In fact, I think Ben Gibbard was secretly a fan of Chicago 16.  Am I the only one who hears the verse similarity between "Hard To Say I’m Sorry" and "Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service?  Take a listen.  To help, I’ve lowered the pitch on "Such Great Heights" to match the same key as the Chicago tune.

If it’s just me, let me know.

Here’s the big tragedy of "Hard To Say I’m Sorry:"  when the single is played on your Lite-FM station, it always fades out while a piano part is still playing something that certainly doesn’t sound like the final portion of a song.  In fact, if you listen closely (or your station is really lazy), you’ll even hear a drum fill.  What you’re missing is the second part of the song, which I think is the best part, entitled "Get Away:"

3.  Eye In The Sky – The Alan Parsons Project (download)  Here’s a case where I love the song itself, but dislike the performance.  In fairness, I only had a passing acquaintance with the original version: I knew the chorus, but not much else.  Recently, I’ve heard two versions of this song – one by Jonatha Brooke, one by Achinoam Nini (through Coverville #225) – and I’ve decided that I much prefer a female singing, even if it’s at the expense of the harmonies.  The melody against those beautiful chords in the chorus is haunting when sung by the right voice.  So here’s a bonus download for this week.  You be the judge.

Jonatha Brooke – Eye In The Sky (download)
From Back In The Circus

2.  Who Can It Be Now? – Men At Work  One hell of a debut single, huh?  Being the snarky bastard that I am, I keep trying to think of some kind of criticism towards "Who Can It Be Now?" – but I can’t.  It’s a finely crafted song written by a gentleman with an amazing voice.  I suppose we should all give Zach Braff a big hug for giving Colin Hay some well-deserved publicity and a resurgence of sorts via his TV show, "Scrubs."  I always smile when I hear his acoustic versions on television.  Do yourself a favor and check out one of his solo albums – either Going Somewhere or Man @ Work – and you’ll realize what an underrated songwriter and performer he is.

1.  Jack & Diane – John Cougar  Call him whatever you like (actually, only call him John Mellencamp or he’ll probably try to choke you with his bare hands), the man has more hits than you can shake a stick at – and yet, "Jack & Diane" remains his only #1.  I’d argue that Jack & Diane are one of the best-known couples in rock.  I’m trying to think of other couples now: Brenda & Eddie – also high schoolers who peaked too early; Tommy & Gina, high schoolers who went nowhere; and the two idiots from Steve Miller’s absolutely moronic song "Take The Money & Run." (Steve Miller pissed off the wrong blogger this week.)  I’m sure you can think of others; feel free to post in the comments.