CHART ATTACK! #43: 8/1/81
We need to change the title of this series this week.
Don’t believe me? Well, why don’t we take a trip together – a laaaaame trip together – back to August 1, 1981!
10. Queen of Hearts – Juice Newton Amazon iTunes
9. Hearts – Marty Balin Amazon
8. Boy From New York City – The Manhattan Transfer Amazon iTunes
7. Bette Davis Eyes – Kim Carnes Amazon iTunes
6. Slow Hand – Pointer Sisters Amazon iTunes
5. Elvira – The Oak Ridge Boys Amazon iTunes
4. I Don’t Need You – Kenny Rogers Amazon iTunes
3. Theme From "Greatest American Hero" (Believe It Or Not) – Joey Scarbury Amazon iTunes
2. The One That You Love – Air Supply Amazon iTunes
1. Jessie’s Girl – Rick Springfield Amazon iTunes
Am I right or am I right? Can someone tell me what was horrible things happened in July of 1981? I checked out the Wiki for the month, and, yeah, some bad stuff happened, but I can’t find anything devastating enough that would have led the record-buying public to suddenly have an insatiable hunger for the blandest, whitest music possible. They even accepted country music, for crying out loud!
Now, as I related this Top 10 to Mike, he insisted that this wasn’t a bad week; he feels it’s an awesome week. He may be right. Not all of these songs are bad. But you have to agree that all of them are bland, right? Except for maybe #1? Well, you be the judge.
10. Queen of Hearts – Juice Newton
It’s obviously coincidental, but I still find it unfair that this is the third Juice Newton song we’ve covered on CHART ATTACK!. This song is stupid, but just like "Love’s Been A Little Bit Hard On Me," I find myself just completely endeared to Newton and the way she hams it up in her videos. She doesn’t get massively injured in this video like the other one, but she wears some cute costumes, and sorta comes off looking like a porn star who’s trying to act in her first Cinemax movie.
[youtube]zpo0v688ATw[/youtube]
Of her seven hits in the Top 40, this one was her biggest, reaching #2 in September.
9. Hearts – Marty Balin
Whaddya know, it’s our Mellow Gold selection from this week! What? You haven’t read it? Go, go, go!
(I’m so glad I don’t have to write anything more about "Hearts" ever again. But apparently there’s more Balin in my future. You guys are killing me.)
8. Boy From New York City – The Manhattan Transfer
"The Boy From New York City" was a cover of the 1965 hit by The Ad Libs. I don’t know how they did it, but The Manhattan Transfer somehow removed all soul from the original, thus continuing the rich BLAND ATTACK! tradition of August 1981. The original was a doo-wop song. This one somehow keeps the harmonies but adds in terrible, cheesy, early ’80s production values. Everyone ate it up, of course, and The Manhattan Transfer wound up winning the Grammy for Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal. They also won the Best Jazz Performance, Duo or Group award the same year, becoming the first group to win in both categories in the same year.
But the song still sucks.
7. Bette Davis Eyes – Kim Carnes (download)
This is the girliest Rod Stewart has ever sounded.
Just kidding! Y’know, I always thought that Kim Carnes could have just had one good cup of tea and a strong cough and cleared that voice right up.
Do you remember exactly how friggin’ huge this song was? Although Jackie DeShannon had co-written and recorded it six years prior, Carnes brought the song ridiculous amounts of success. It sold more than any other song in 1981 and won Grammy Awards for both Song Of The Year and Record Of The Year. With 9 non-consecutive weeks at #1, it became the second-highest charting song of the year, behind "Physical." (By the way, the song that broke up Carnes’ 9-week run? "Stars on 45.")
Bette Davis loved the song, especially because it made her look cool in her grandson’s eyes. She wrote Carnes a letter, thanking her for the re-introduction into pop culture, and Carnes sang the song in a tribute shortly before Davis’ death.
One day, I plan to have a hit with a song called "Kim Carnes Throat," and maybe she’ll write me a letter thanking me.
6. Slow Hand – The Pointer Sisters
Almost Mellow Gold, this one bordered on a country song – so much so that Conway Twitty covered it a year later and wound up with a #1 on the Country charts. Personally, there are a number of Pointer Sisters songs I prefer to this one – I think this one is on the bland side – but the country clearly disagreed, making this song the most successful song the women ever released. Yes – it’s even more successful than "Jump (For My Love)" or "I’m So Excited," although you probably wouldn’t know it from airplay. The song was co-written by John Bettis, who’s had his hand in quite a few successful pop singles, including Michael Jackson’s "Human Nature" and Madonna’s "Crazy For You."
5. Elvira – The Oak Ridge Boys
That’s it. I’ve officially lost my patience with August 1, 1981. I’m not taking the blame since I was only four, but I ask this to any of you who were buying records at the time (and that includes you, mom): what the hell was wrong with you people?
"Elvira" is not a tribute to, y’know, that Elvira. That would have been an improvement, I think. At least we would’ve gotten a good video out of it. In actuality, the song was written and recorded back in 1966 by Dallas Frazier, and recorded a number of years later by Kenny Rogers and The First Edition. However, The Oak Ridge Boys hadn’t heard the song until ’78, when a guy named Rodney Crowell recorded it on his debut album. Why so many people got such a kick out of combining a doo-wop sound with country is absolutely beyond me, but like every other shitty song this week, the public ate it up, taking it to #5 on the Hot 100 and all the way to #1 on the country charts.
So let’s place blame where blame is due: Frazier wrote a ridiculously stupid song. My favorite lyric is "’Cause I know that my Elvira’s mine." You already implied that when you said "my" Elvira, you imbecile!…oh wait, now you’re saying some random giddy-yup-hi-oh-Silver-away crap. You’re on a horse? Great. And don’t think those two key changes are going to save you here.
You gotta check out this video.
[youtube]9VJ6RUmlbLE[/youtube]
We’ve made fun of a lot of bands on here, but I’m willing to go out on a limb and say none have been uglier than Oak Ridge Boys circa 1981. Is that Charles Manson? My favorite is the lead singer, who looks like the love child of Oates and Lionel Richie. And check out the audience shots: they love this song! I hate them!
4. I Don’t Need You – Kenny Rogers
This song was Rogers’ twelfth #1 on the Country & Western charts (out of an eventual 20), and the third of eight AC chart-toppers. We don’t usually discuss these charts ’cause they suck, but I need to mention them in order to illustrate the fact that, whether we like it or not, Kenny Rogers was untouchable between 1977 and 1983. Also, I have no problem mentioning those charts because they clearly both infected the hell out of the Hot 100 this year.
I was all set to snark on this song, but the truth is…I kinda like it. I just can’t figure out why.
3. Theme From "Greatest American Hero" (Believe It Or Not) – Joey Scarbury (download)
Oooh, another Mellow Goldie on the charts this week! Scarbury was hired by the famous Mike Post to record the vocal for the "Greatest American Hero" theme. Smelling a single, Elektra quickly released an extended version of the song, which made it to #2. They also released a video, although sensing that Scarbury kind of looked like a male porn star (which meant he was butt-ugly with a big moustache), they kept him safely in the shadows.
[youtube]8b2NBemvt7c[/youtube]
Quite honestly, I really like this song. I can’t help it. And it’s actually quite hard to sing – especially when he throws in that key change. I realized there’s a big difference between quietly singing it to yourself and actually trying to perform it. I won’t make that mistake again.
Scarbury had another minor hit, but couldn’t match his TV theme success – although apparently he tried, recording "Flashbeagle" for It’s Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown, and this video just made this entire CHART ATTACK! worthwhile.
[youtube]5nXl93ji30M[/youtube]
I can’t believe this is real…but it is.
2. The One That You Love – Air Supply
The other day, I went over to Hype Machine and looked at their stats on Air Supply. Eight tracks listed. Five were from this site. I think I’ve said enough about Air Supply recently, don’t you? So I’ll just say that obviously I love this song, and leave it at that.
1. Jessie’s Girl – Rick Springfield
Finally, some rock on this chart! I really like this line from the "Jessie’s Girl" wiki: "While some try to highlight deeper symbolic meanings of the piece, most enjoy it for its catchy tune and memorable lyrics." (This Wiki would have been much better had it linked to the "some" trying to analyze it, but they get high marks for calling it a "piece.")
Anyway. Overplayed? Yah. Awesome? Yah. And remarkably hard for me to play on guitar. I’ll always have a soft spot in my heart for any song utilizing the word "moot." Deserving, I’d even say, of the Best Male Rock Vocal Performance Grammy. (You can argue me, but the point is probably moot since nobody gives a shit about the Grammys.) And just think – if he hadn’t changed the name to protect the innocent, we’d be singing about "Gary’s Girl." (Actually, no, we probably wouldn’t.)
I found this nifty little album on iTunes called ‘80s Hits Stripped, and it included an acoustic version of "Jessie’s Girl." Sadly, it’s in a lower key and I could do without the slide guitar, but have a listen anyway:
Rick Springfield – Jessie’s Girl (acoustic) (download)
…and that does it for this week’s CHART ATTACK!, although I still maintain it was more of a limp slap on the arm than an actual attack. Will we recover from this wussy Top 10 output? Only one way to find out: come back next Friday!
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:25 am
How do you not love Elvira? What’s not to love about Elvira? You know who else loves Elvira? The Mega-Lesbians.
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:39 am
My heart’s on fire-a for this chart-a.
I own all these but for The Manhattan Transfer. And from somewhere deep in my shame, I secretly curse you for not posting that one.
Moot. Mooooooooooooooot.
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:57 am
Was that video from the Grammies or something? Because if it was, it looked like Marvin Gaye (or maybe Ben Vereen) was loving the hell out of Elvira, and Ella Fitzgerald couldn’t give a shit about it (and big ups to Ella for that). How strangely disturbing.
August 3rd, 2007 at 11:15 am
I’d have sworn I had the Flashbeagle album, but apparently I was thinking of Mickey Mouse’s Splashdance!
August 3rd, 2007 at 11:33 am
Well, Richard, if you’re really jonesing for it, looks like you can still get it (for free!) here…
August 3rd, 2007 at 11:37 am
The scariest part about "It’s Flashbeagle"? According to the Wikipedia entry:Stacy Ferguson, aka "Fergie" of The Black Eyed Peas, played the voice of "Sally". She also performed several songs on the It’s Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown (1984) (TV) soundtrack, including "The Pig-Pen Hoe-Down," "I’m In Shape" and "Lucy Says." Stacy received credit for the "Flashbeagle" TV special, but not for the album.Is there no escape from this woman?
August 3rd, 2007 at 12:02 pm
OMG, J, this week may be my most favorite of them all. I think that popular music should return to songs like these. (Elvira was kinda one of a kind, though, so maybe we can skip a repeat of that.) I learned something new, too – I had no idea that Slow Hand was by the Pointer Sisters! What!!?!! I totally pictured some nameless, over-processed blond haired pasty woman in a country bar with too tight too dark jeans singing that song. Thanks for the 411. JT
August 3rd, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Heh, I remember most of these. I think it was about the first time I had my own radio and started listening to pop music. The Greatest American Hero theme was one of the few 45s I had.The Oak Ridge Boys were on the Tonight Show recently (just briefly) and sang a snippet of Elvira. Don’t you imagine they hate still having to sing that song at every appearance?
August 3rd, 2007 at 3:41 pm
I can’t accept "fire-a". I just can’t.
August 3rd, 2007 at 3:54 pm
One day, I plan to have a hit with a song called "Kim Carnes Throat," and maybe she’ll write me a letter thanking me.
Awesome. I once joked to my sister, "Do you know why Kim Carnes’ career ended?"
"No, why?"
"One day she coughed up her phlegm."
August 3rd, 2007 at 6:45 pm
that song Elvira used to creep me out when I was a kid. It still does.
August 3rd, 2007 at 8:29 pm
The clip identified the Juice Newton song as "Queen of the Heart." No respect.
I have an irrational hatred of Manhattan Transfer. It’s as if they’re trying far too hard to be hip, like a bunch of Broadway wannabes with jazz hands. And it seemed to me — I could be wrong — that they gave far too little credit to Bobby McFerrin on "Another Night in Tunisia."
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:00 pm
I was doing radio during this week, and playing most of these songs. "Queen of Hearts" and "Elvira" blew the phones out for *months* at our station. We were already playing them every couple of hours, but if we’d just alternated them and played nothing else, we’d have satisfied a large percentage of the audience.Random thoughts about a couple of the others: As for Conway Twitty’s cover of "Slow Hand," the gender switch (to "you want a man with a slow hand") skeeved me out back then, and now. Of course, compared to his cover of "The Rose," it was classic."I Don’t Need You" is one of Kenny Rogers’ finest records, really. Throughout most of his solo career, he’d go into the studio, cut 30 songs, and put the 12 that turned out onto an album. After he started working with Lionel Richie in 1979 ("I Don’t Need You" was written and produced by Richie, I believe), the quality of his work went way up—like he was actually being pushed in the studio. The results were still bland, but non-phoned-in bland was better than regular bland.And I’m just astounded by the Fergie/Flashbeagle thing. Pop culture is a mad mistress, kids.
August 3rd, 2007 at 11:07 pm
The reason you kind of like Kenny Rogers? Because he’s secretly awesome. I hate country as much as the next gal, but Kenny’s the man.
August 4th, 2007 at 9:31 am
Kenny’s just a mustachioed chicken pimp.
August 4th, 2007 at 12:13 pm
Any theories on why Springfield used the feminine spelling, “Jessie,” instead of “Jesse”? I think I heard him say once that he wanted to make it ambiguous, but clearly Jess(i)e is a guy in the song. I do like that Jessie is really Gary, though. I was disappointed when I learned that “Rich Girl” is really about a guy, but Daryl Hall thought “girl” sounded better. Hooray for misogyny! Son of Sam apparently cited “Rich Girl” as an inspiration during his 1977 killing spree. I guess he didn’t like rich girls. Or maybe it was his talking dog who hated them.
August 5th, 2007 at 10:30 am
“[Davis] wrote Carnes a letter, thanking her for the re-introduction into pop culture …”
Meanwhile, Jackie DeShannon’s mailbox remained empty. Poor Jackie.
“My favorite lyric is ‘’Cause I know that my Elvira’s mine.’ You already implied that when you said ‘my’ Elvira, you imbecile!”
That made me laugh. No one thought about stretching out “Elvira’s” to cover up the spot where “my” goes? It still amazes me how many country songs were on the pop charts in ’80 and ’81, but I think all the crossover is great. And you ain’t kiddin’ about Kenny Rogers being untouchable — he was popular enough to star in his own summer movie in 1982: http://imdb.com/title/tt0084690/. I didn’t realize until looking at that IMDB page that “Six Pack” costarred Diane Lane, Anthony Michael Hall, and Erin Gray of “Buck Rogers” and “Silver Spoons.” Wowee zowee! Erin Gray was dreamy when I was six. Probably still is.
“It’s Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown” seems to date from the time when “Peanuts” had its own Saturday-morning cartoon for a few years. From what I remember, it sucked. Maybe Charles Schulz didn’t have much to do with the TV specials or shows after a certain point; quality control definitely went out the window.
I still love the “Greatest American Hero” theme. Sure, it’s a little bland, but it’s also a solidly built song.
Jason, if you’re going to call 8/1/81 a very bland week on the pop charts, then start killing yr Air Supply idols. Now! After listening to those “Classic Soft Rock” CDs, I have to admit that I now — finally — like Styx’s “Babe” and “The Best of Times.” It took more than a quarter-century, but you got me, Dennis DeYoung. I still can’t get into any of the Air Supply songs, however.
August 5th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Ahh Yes.. Mid to late summer of 1981. You hit the nail on the head…Bland Whitey Pop Muzak. I do remember listening to American Top 40 around this time, and becoming more of an album buyer.
I remember that MTV dawned with this chart and as someone who had it from day 1 a few of these tunes here made the initial only 96 video’s available rotation. Juice Newton, Kim Carnes, and Ricky Springfield.
Juice had 2 videos Queen, and Angel of the Morning. Carnes’s Bettie Davies Eyes was played on the hour. And for Rick!! Lets face it, this guy was it with the chicks, but even a teenage guy who liked his Ozzy and such had to dig Rick. His tunes were catchy, the guy could play, and what I would have gived to look like him..Straight as a board, but that was a handsome dude( and still is pushing 60?) .
From this era I also recall some new Moody Blues..Santana’s I’m Winning. Umm REO, But you are correct. From day 1 in 81 talk about B-L-A-N-D….82 was no that much better..I suppose the 80’s didn’t kick in till about 83 fur shure
August 5th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
Oh Yead and speaking of Kenny Roger’s being thae man Chicken Pimp..That brother was sportin’ and earing in the late 60’s with the First Edition, whe he was Checking to See What Kind of Condition, His condition was In..U know what I’m saying Ruby..Dont take ur love to town
August 6th, 2007 at 10:42 am
Bedheaded, that’s Teddy Pendergrass who’s really into "Elvira" in the video.
Kenny Rogers reminds me of sitting in the back seat of my Dad’s car. He was really into pop country at that time.
And whenever my friend Robin has a song stuck in her head, she starts singing "Greatest American Hero" to stop it. Works every time.
August 6th, 2007 at 11:18 am
Mr Deep-Voiced-Oak-Ridge Boy is clearly the twin brother of Jack Tripper’s pal Larry. Right?!?
August 6th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Elvira and the Oak Ridge Boys somehow immediately made me think of The Folksmen. The Lionel Richie / John Oates connection is one of your most brilliant observations, Jason. It’s Monday, and I’m still laughing.
August 7th, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Good Lord, even Mike Love got into the cowboy hat phase back then. Just how badly wizened must his bald head be for him to always wear a hat? Maybe he thought that one Oak Ridge Boy was Manson and hid with his mini sombrero.
October 3rd, 2007 at 9:42 pm
Wow, Jason, you love your key changes, don’t you? >