The Second Day of Mellowmas: Golleee, Santa!
Day Two! And it’s even worse than Day One!
Jim Nabors: O Holy Night (download or stream below)
From Jim Nabors Christmas Amazon iTunes
Jeff: Oh my God. Is this playing at the wrong speed?
Jason: Seriously, when you sent me this CD, this is NOT what I was expecting. I was expecting…Don Knotts or something. This guy actually has a real voice.
Jeff: My daughter just started crying.
Jason: My cat is clawing at my power cord. You know what this song needs? A belch.
Jeff: This is like Christmas with your grandparents, if your grandparents hate you.
Jason: I am almost positive that an uncle on my mom’s side has this album. Fall on your kneeeeeeees!
Jeff: Never in my life have I more desperately wanted to hear the voice of Eric Cartman.
Jason: That’s all I can think about too! O night! Diviiiiiiiiiiine! This was supposed to be a novelty album, Jeff. I’m let down.
Jeff: Well, it’s fairly novel.
Jason: This is worse than getting coal in my stocking. Or up my butt. I would rather pull tinsel out of my ass than listen to this. Although I love the sweater he’s wearing on the cover, with the white pants.
Jeff: Dude, Jim Nabors died for your sins. Show some respect.
Jason: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jim Nabors is dead? Did I miss this?
Jeff: Well, he was. For three days.
Jason: Ha ha ha ha! Nabors Is Arisen!
Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Jason: I wonder if Nabors has an Easter album?
Jeff: The next time you see a car with one of those fish logos, only the fish is wearing white pants and loafers, you’ll know what it means.
Jason: You know, I love this song in general. It’s not that this version is bad. Not at all. It’s just square.
Jeff: O o O o O o Ohhhhhh
Jason: And when you told me Jim Nabors had a Christmas album, I was thinking something else entirely.
Jeff: Me too!
Jason: Like, him doing “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.”
Jeff: Like, “Oh Holy Night (Golleeee, Sarge!)”
Jason: Exactly! This is just….square.
Jeff: When I bought this for you, I noticed that Nabors had released like six dozen albums. I feel the need to hear more of them.
Jason: Six dozen?
Jeff: I can’t explain it.
Jason: Holy shit! That’s like…hang on…72 albums!
Jeff: What’s Nabors doing now?
Jason: Decomposing?
Jeff: I mean, Pat Boone had a comeback…
Jason: Is he dead or is he not dead? I seriously don’t know.
Jeff: Only one way to find out.
Jason: I know Don Knotts is dead. I know Robert Goulet just kicked it.
Jeff: And Abe Vigoda outlived them all.
Jason: Wait! Before you look! Let’s take a bet. What do you think? Dead or not dead?
Jeff: I say he isn’t dead.
Jason: Or, even better: Undead? Night Of The Living Nabors?
Jeff: I say he’s all-powerful.
Jason: Well, I guess I’ll say he’s dead. What do we bet? I’ll bet you….your wife.
Jeff: We bet that the loser has to play this album in the office. Loud.
Jason: That doesn’t count! You don’t have an office!
Jeff: I do!
Jason: You do?
Jeff: I’m sitting in it, asshole!
Jason: Yeah, but nobody’s there! It’s just you! This sucks!
Jeff: So what? You wanted to bet! Come on — is he dead or what?
Jason: Wait, do you know for sure whether he’s dead or not? Am I setting myself up for failure? Be honest. Otherwise you get more Nabors in your stocking. And I mean your actual stocking. Not some Christmas thing.
Jeff: Failure and Mellowmas don’t go together. Mellowmas is love. And I have no idea about anything related to Jim Nabors, other than this song. And Gomer Pyle.
Jason: Okay. I have a better idea, then.
Jeff: Oh, you pussy.
Jason: No, it’s another bet! A better one!
Jeff: I’m not sharing my wife with you.
Jason: ‘Tis the season to be sharing, Jeff. That’s what Santa said to Fred Flintstone when he wouldn’t share his Fruity Pebbles with Barney.
Jeff. Don’t be Fred.
Jeff: I can’t wait to hear about your office holiday party.
Jason: No, I’m not making that bet, because the stakes aren’t as high if you lose.
Jeff: Nonsense.
Jason: We have to think of something else if you lose.
Jeff: Damn, Nabors did “The Little Drummer Boy” on this album? I’m listening to that now. Okay, what were you saying?
Pa rum pa pum pum
Jason is a pussy
Pa rum pa pum pum
Jason: I’m going to win your wife, pa rum pa pum pum
Jeff: Go on and look it up. I must know.
Jason: Fine. Looking it up now.
FUCK! He’s ALIVE!
Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Yesssssssssssss!
Jason: Dammit.
Jeff: Pa rum pa pum pum!
Jason: This is the worst Mellowmas ever.
Jeff: And it’s just begun!
Jason: I could have sworn he was dead!
Jeff: You and his wife both! ZANG, Nabors! Right in your ear!
Jason: “After allegedly contracting hepatitis after accidentally cutting his face and making himself a “bloody mess” while attempting to shave with a straight razor in India, Nabors received a liver transplant in 1994. He performs occasionally, although he prefers to operate his macadamia nut plantation in Hawaii, where he also grows tropical flowers.”
Jeff: Oh, that is fucking perfect.
Jason: He has an album called “Kiss Me Goodbye.” With a title like that, he SHOULD be dead. I’m just saying. That’s prophesy right there.
December 2nd, 2007 at 10:30 am
Oh holy crap. It’s Gomer and he’s sing – ing.
December 2nd, 2007 at 11:11 am
As you guys say, there’s nothing really wrong with this song. A good song to begin with, with a decent if squaresville arrangement, sung by somebody with a much better singing voice than you’d expect Gomer Pyle to have–and yet it sucks. Nice find!
For another bad take on this song, listen to Harry Chapin’s “Mr. Tanner”. During the chorus John Ross, playing the part of Mr. Tanner, sings this song in the background. At least on the live album, it’s sung with an amazingly flat delivery, which I think is the point.
December 2nd, 2007 at 12:05 pm
For a GREAT take on this song, check out Irma Thomas’ version on a compilation called A Creole Christmas. Goosebump-inducing stuff.
He got hepatitis by cutting himself … with a straight razor … in India? That’s the lamest excuse for contracting hepatitis EVER. Not that the list is very long …
What will day three of Mellowmas bring?
Rob
EightE1
December 2nd, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Lini, upon reading this and listening to the Nabors track:
“Poor Jessica and Jeff’s wife. How do either one of them get their wives to stay with them?”
Inquiring minds want to know kids.
I look forward to at least 6 or seven more wagers concerning the favors of Mrs. Jefito. It’s apparently what Mellowmas is all about.
December 2nd, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Yes indeed. The message of Mellowmas is, in fact, to swing like horny, unsatisfied suburbanites in 1973…
December 2nd, 2007 at 4:10 pm
“Poor Jessica and Jeff’s wife. How do either one of them get their wives to stay with them?â€
I can’t speak for Jeff, but I don’t think I’ve subjected Jessica to any of the Mellowmas tracks. I’ve done all my listening either at work or with headphones on. ‘Tis the season to be charitable. Not to you guys, but to the woman I sleep with.
Oh, wait. There’s one track she’s heard. I think you guys will hear it on Day Seven.
December 2nd, 2007 at 6:17 pm
It was once reported that Jim Nabors “married” Rock Hudson in Hawaii, back before either of them came out. If so, hearing the tremble in Nabor’s voice as he sings “O Holy Night” suggests a more urgent, penetrating, and deeper significance than one might suppose upon a casual listening.
OK, I’ve probably ruined this song forever… Oh well…
December 2nd, 2007 at 9:17 pm
Oh, shit. My mom had this album. And she played it at Christmas a LOT.
My mom was 18 in ’63. When everyone else’s mom like the Beatles. And my mom liked stuff like … this.
Life isn’t fair.
… Please tell me nothing in your collection boasts the phrase “Firestone Presents …”
December 3rd, 2007 at 4:55 am
Man this is whack! I rank this right up there with my Carol Burnett Show DVD episode where Jim Nabors sings Olivia Newton-John’s 1974 hit “Let Me Be There”… talk about sonic torture! (For those of you brave enough to endure it, it’s on Volume 5 of the Columbia House/Guthy Renker collection)
Merry Mellowmas (and Happy Chaka Khan too!).
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:13 am
Jim Nabors should sing “White Christmas” because he is the whitest dude that ever lived.
December 3rd, 2007 at 10:40 am
Headphones? HEADPHONES? No way. My wife and family are suffering through this crap right alongside me.
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:27 pm
[…] On Sunday, they posted Jim Nabors’ version of “O, Holy Night.” […]
December 4th, 2007 at 9:49 am
The only reason to tune in to the Indy 500 these days is to sit back and enjoy homeboy Jim singing “Back Home again in Indiana” during the opening festivities.
Not great fan video, but here he is, dusted off for his 2006 appearance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44SwOQ2-Efw
baritone gold!
December 5th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
You’d sound like Jim, too, if you had Goober and Sgt. Carter chasing your nuts all day long.
December 6th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
I guess I’m older than some of you (43) but Jim Nabors used to perform on variety shows quite a lot in the 70s and you’d be watching, expecting Gomer (and often he did perform a skit as “Gomer”), but then this operatic voice would come booming out of your tiny television speaker. Surreal, and not in a good way. Nice pick. I totally thought he was dead. I would have lost that bet.
December 8th, 2007 at 10:47 pm
I totally thought he was dead. I have a three-cassette collection, The Collected Jim Nabors. It’s basically this, repeated for four hours.
December 9th, 2007 at 1:49 am
Oh My God. This whole conversation has me pissing my pants laughing!!!
December 14th, 2008 at 7:39 am
[…] Ha ha ha ha ha! Did we bet against Jim Nabors being alive last year? We did, didn’t […]
December 1st, 2009 at 10:43 am
If you’re looking for a Jim Nabors record the way a Jim Nabors record SHOULD sound, seek no more:
http://rateyourmusic.com/release/album/jim_nabors/shazam_/
Be sure and check out the YouTube link for the best cut on the album.
(PS: I have mp3s!)
December 9th, 2009 at 7:31 am
[…] Jason: To go with my Jim Nabors album. […]
December 25th, 2010 at 9:52 am
[…] Christmas.Jason: I think they all live next door to each other, actually.Jeff: Like Jim Nabors. Remember that one?Jason: Of course I do. Rest in peace, Jim Nabors.Jeff: But what if you didn’t love Christmas […]
December 6th, 2013 at 9:30 am
[…] Jason: I thought Mathis died years ago in a tragic accident also involving Jim Nabors. […]
December 6th, 2013 at 9:49 am
[…] Jason: I thought Mathis died years ago in a tragic accident also involving Jim Nabors. […]