The Twenty-First Day Of Mellowmas: O Christmas Bush

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Because who couldn’t use a little Christmas Bush?

Kate Bush – December Will Be Magic Again (download or stream below)

From, among other things, Christmas: The Album Amazon

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I just like this picture. It has nothing to do with this song.

[audio:http://www.wwmmd.net/tunes/mellowmas/Kate Bush – December Will Be Magic Again.mp3]

Jason: Doo doo doo doo my ears hurt.

Jeff: Christmas…on Mars! DecembERRRRRRRRRRRRR

Jason: You know, I just don’t get Kate Bush.

Jeff: I said that at my blog once, and got the most hate mail ever.

Jason: Well, maybe they’ll all show up here this year. Remember how I said I listened to 980 songs this year? I got only 8 seconds into this one. I don’t get her. I don’t dig her voice.

Jeff: This is disturbing in a way I can’t quite put my finger on.

Jason: I feel like she’s yelling at me. Like Bolton. OOOH! Take THAT, Bushheads!

Jeff: I can tell you, though, that this song seems to have nothing to do with Christmas. Or anything else.

Jason: I don’t know, Jeff. There are jingle bells. And everyone knows that’s all you need for a Christmas song.

Jeff: What is she saying? Is this in English?

Jason: I think it’s in Elvish. Or whatever language they speak in Lord Of The Rings.

Jeff: DecembeRRRRRR

Jason: I can’t figure out what she’s talking about.

Jeff: Light the candlelights, I think she just said.

Jason: This is giving me a headache.

Jeff: Maybe this is a Hanukkah song.

Jason: I don’t think she’s saying “December.” She’s saying, “DecembAAAAHHH.”

Jeff: You make a very good point.

Jason: Did she just say something about a parachute? What the fuck is going on?

Jeff: An icicle moon?

Jason: Is that a cell phone ringing in the background? Kate, it’s your boyfriend calling, the Keebler elf.

Jeff: I want my mom.

Jason: He’s inviting you into his treehouse to make an assortment of cookies. Anything to stop you from singing.

Jeff: So…cold…

Jason: Suddenly, my head is pounding. Kate Bush has made me sick this Mellowmas.

Jeff: Have some Gatorade.

Jason: Ugh, that high note!

Jeff: She’s screaming now!

Jason: Kate, stop!

Jeff: Oh God!

Jason: STOP!!! FOR THE LOVE OF SANTA!

Jeff: I’m sitting here, willing the song to end.

Jason: Well, luckily, it sounds like it’s fading out.

Jeff: Yes! Sweet, sweet fadeout!

Jason: But those jingle bells? Not leaving. That was terrible. I mean, abysmal. I mean, awful. I mean, terrible again.

Jeff: I can’t disagree.

Jason: And yet…I somehow feel satisfied. Like, THIS is what Mellowmas is all about, Charlie Brown. It’s about wailing pixies. And a collection of elves in a tree, making a fine assortment of cookies.

Jeff: And me, trying not to cry.

Jason: I rated this song with one star. And only because if I gave it zero stars, it’d show up again for rating next year. And dammit, iTunes doesn’t have an option for negative stars.

Jeff: I can’t believe you’re keeping it. You deleted the Bootsy Collins album, and you kept this.

Jason: Well, honestly, all the one-star songs are songs that I think might actually work for Mellowmas.

Jeff: Ha ha ha!

Jason: And you have to agree I have a point.

Jeff: It’s true. You have a point.

Jason: Actually, now I can delete it, because it’s been covered for Mellowmas, and I never have to hear it again. Hang on. I want you to be here while I drag it to the trash. Aaaaannnndddd….Done! AAAAHHHHHHH.

Jeff: Don’t you feel better now?

Jason: Feels so good!

Jeff: I’m not deleting it. You never know when someone I hate might stop by during December.

Jason: Which reminds me: next year, we should see if Chuck Mangione did any Christmas tunes.

Jeff: Oh, please let that have been the case. I would love A Very Mangione Christmas.

Jason: Actually, all he’d have to do is take “Feels So Good” and overdub some jingle bells, and I’d be fine with it.

Jeff: Same here. Why don’t you make that happen?

Jason: Next year, Jeff. Next year.

[youtube]pfD7FzcjVyQ[/youtube]

  • Jhensy

    Roaring with laughter! I like Kate, but she definitely suffered from Kooky Chick Syndrome (see also Bjork, Liz Fraser) which always made me keep her at arm’s distance.

  • David

    That was horrible.

    Jeff, what was that band that sang about freedom in Yugoslorvia or somesuch? Table? Was it Table? ‘Cause that was better than this.

    Table can save Christmas from Kate Bush.

  • Old Davy

    Oh.
    My.
    God.

    I bet that video cost less than $100 to produce. And that includes the aluminum foil tree in the background, the chair, silver confetti and her…um…outfit?

    This is exactly the kind of stuff that fuels those church-lady-nut-jobs who think SANTA is SATAN because they are anagrams. Does Kate weigh the same as a duck, because I really think she’s a witch.

  • When I think “Kate Bush,” I think “performance art.” And when I think “performance art,” I also think of Matt Groening’s “Life in Hell” strip with a performance artist bleating, “Help! Help! I’m covering myself with stinging red ants,” as he indeed covers himself with stinging red ants to make a commentary about … something.

    I also have a vague memory of a Musician magazine piece in which she disputes whether she’s projecting any sexual imagery in her work. In the photo, she’s standing (presumably) naked behind a string bass.

  • Michael

    All I can hear right now in my head is “Feels So Good” with Sleighbells.

    I’m shocked that neither of you made a Joanna Newsom joke. Isn’t the whole point of covering Kate Bush to make internet music weirdos angry? You might as well go all out.

  • Bill from Illinois

    That was excruciating. Honestly, one of the very worst Christmas songs I have ever heard. If it is indeed a Christmas song. (“I think it’s in Elvish” — great call on that.)

    Please sweep us back to something tender and sweet. Air Supply? Do you have them?

  • Dw. Dunphy

    Christmas bush! Ha! You have been reading my lascivious comments about Debbie Boone!

  • Eric Lund

    This song truly moves me … to leave the room in which it is playing. Well done, guys!

    Kate looks horribly anorexic in that photo. Are her albums selling so poorly that she can’t afford to eat? I assume the answer would be yes, if this is representative of her work. (I can think offhand of only one of her songs–“Running Up That Hill” or something like that–plus the duet “Don’t Give Up” she did with Peter Gabriel, who kept her performance art tendencies in check. The latter doesn’t really count, since Gabriel wrote it.)

  • Dw. Dunphy

    She actually had a really nice tune off her recent album Aerial called “King Of The Mountain”. Otherwise, yeah, she tends to walk in the weirdly ways.

  • She was indeed apparently raised by elves (or perhaps bards?) as seen here on her creepy brother’s photo site:
    http://home.att.net/~james51453/cathy21.htm
    In the early 80s, we were expected (as college DJs) to like Kate Bush. But she was so hard to like. She just didn’t care if you liked her or not. She suffers from too much artistic temperment. Her good looks and all us DJs ENABLED her to do this. I’m going to say, right here, right now: I’m sorry.

  • Ray

    “Push, push, in the bush
    Push, push, in the bush…”

    Ok, I’ve gotten it out of my system.

  • Curt

    For me, Kate has always sounded like Cyndi Lauper on acid – pretty scary. This actually wouldn’t have been such a bad song if it wasn’t about Christmas – maybe she should have changed it to Solstice Night or something like that. Oh, and lose the pretentiousness Lisa is talking about and those piercing high notes too.

  • EightE1

    Is it just me, or can anyone else seriously hear Tori Amos covering this song?

    That said, I like Kate (and Tori), but this one is just bad.

    Rob
    EightE1

  • Fuck y’all! I love Kate Bush. Sure, this is a shitty song, but fuck y’all! :-)

  • Kate Bush has to exist so lazy music critics have someone to compare Joanna Newsom with. Seriously, it’s an English thing – you wouldn’t understand it.

    Is she wearing a bra in that video? It looks like Jiggle Bells, Jiggle Bells, jiggle all the way.

  • I really think that David Bowie could cover this song in that sing/speak kind of way and make it work. It would have to be on a kids’ movie soundtrack, maybe best played over the closing credits.

    Yeah, Kate is a lot like Tori Amos, just minus the piano and rape trauma, and with more of an artsy-fartsy nurturing childhood.

  • You know, if we can just find that the Ron Carter, Chuck Mangione and Meco recorded a Christmas concert during their Rochester Music Conservatory days as a trio, then you can have your Star Wars Christmas album.

  • How did you guys even manage to hear the song till the end. It was so horrible that I couldn’t stand it for even a few seconds.