Mellowmas Eve: The Redemption Of The McD

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Our Twenty-Third Day Of Mellowmas left us depressed, restless and unsatisfied – which, to be honest, wasn’t much different from the other twenty-two days. But yesterday was different. Michael McDonald – The Patron Saint Of Mellow Gold – had let us down. It’s Mellowmas Eve, and excitement is in the air: can he turn it around? Can we go to sleep tonight dreaming of sugarplum fairies instead of McD eating jelly donuts and phoning in vocals with Olivia Newton-John? Only one way to find out!

Michael McDonald: Christmas On The Bayou (download or stream below)

From Through The Many Winters: A Christmas Album Amazon

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[audio:http://www.wwmmd.net/tunes/mellowmas/Michael McDonald – Christmas On The Bayou.mp3]

Jeff: This is Christmas?

Jason: Drums!

Jeff: Fiddles!

Jason: ….down south? What the hell is going on? AAAUGH!!! What the hell IS this??

Jeff: McD has been possessed by the spirit of Bouzou Chavis!

Jason: I wish you could see my face right now. It’s all contorted. I’m going to get a headache from this.

Jeff: Is it a face of stunned, stupid shock?

Jason: Jeff, what’s going on? I’m scared. Hold me.

Jeff: When I hear “Michael McDonald Christmas album,” this is not what I think of. I mean, I’m thankful for the lack of synthesizers, don’t get me wrong.

Jason: This is NOT the McD I was banking on, Jeff! What is up with the “Ya Ya Ya Ya?” He sounds like Animal.

Jeff: Maybe he’s calling Ya, so Ya Mo B There.

Jason: slams head on desk

Jeff: Yeah. You know you liked that one. Suck it.

Jason: If he says “ya” one more time, I’m…I’m… I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Jeff: Gonna Ya Mo burn this place down?

Jason: AUGH! He did it again! Jeff, I don’t know if I can get through this.

Jeff: We’re only about halfway through. Get down yo’ fiddle!

Jason: I don’t even know what the fuck he just SAID.

Jeff: We gonna dance and sing!

Jason: NO!

Jeff: All the way to Mardi Gras!

Jason: Ya, Big Easy!

Jeff: Ya Ya Big Easy!

Jason: Ya ya ya! Ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya. I GET it.

Jeff: Long before Mardi Gras! I feel like making moonshine for some reason. And eating crawfish.

Jason: I feel like drinking gasoline for some reason.

Jeff: Lay zay long go mong boulay?

Jason: Suck my dick, Jeff. This sucks. Get me something else.

Jeff: Hmm.

Jason: What was the first song you suggested we cover?

Jeff: “Through the Many Winters”?

Jason: Cue that one up. He has to redeem himself, goddammit.

Jeff: All right.

Michael McDonald – Through The Many Winters (download or stream below)
Also from Through The Many Winters: A Christmas Album Amazon

mcdxmas.jpg

[audio:http://www.wwmmd.net/tunes/mellowmas/Michael McDonald – Through The Many Winters.mp3]

Jeff: This sounds more like the McD I was expecting.

Jason: Okay, promising opening.

Jeff: Minus that Stevie Wonder impersonator on the harmonica.

Jason: Some harmonica that could or could not be real harmonica. Although I think it is. Hey, it’s whispering McD! He doesn’t want to wake up the sleeping children! He sounds like it was mastered at the wrong speed.

Jeff: That’s exactly what it sounds like, actually. And he sounds so sad. Why are you so sad, McD? Did Christopher Cross eat all the chalupas?

Jason: snicker (No, not Snickers, McD! Snicker!)

Jeff: You should remix this at double speed.

Jason: Tasteful piano.

Jeff: Tasteful everything.

Jason: I don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about, but I can kind of get behind this slow Christmas groove.

Jeff: So fucking tasteful. Gawwwwwwwwwwwd.

Jason: I’m kind of grooving in my chair.

Jeff: I’m getting angry, and I don’t know why. I want him to hurry up and go somewhere with this.

Jason: Is it because we’re at the twenty-fourth day of Mellowmas?

Jeff: It’s because this song is boring.

Jason: Well, I’m sure it’s almost over. Let me see…

Jeff: No, it just started.

Jason: JEFF! WHAT THE FUCK!

Jeff: I know!

Jason: This song has like 4:45 left! Can’t do it. Can’t do it. I’m sorry.

Jeff: No. Me too.

Jason: He has to redeem himself and this isn’t cutting it. Let me quickly scan the list of songs. “Wexford Carol?” I don’t even know what the hell that means. But it sounds like it belongs on the Fogelberg record.

Jeff: Are you reading the phone book? Who is Carol Wexford?

Jason: Ha ha ha ha! Which is funny, because I always said I’d listen to McD reading the phone book. How awesome would it be, though, if the song was just McD, reading names?

Jeff: Can we please pick something? Because I hate this.

Jason: Okay. “Deck The Halls/Jingle Bells.” That has to be an improvement.

Jeff: Better than this, that’s for sure. And appropriate, because I want to deck him.

Michael McDonald – Deck The Halls/Jingle Bells (download or stream below)
Yet again from Through The Many Winters: A Christmas Album Amazon

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[audio:http://www.wwmmd.net/tunes/mellowmas/Michael McDonald – Deck The Halls – Jingle Bells.mp3]

Jason: Oh YES!

Jeff: Now this is more like it.

Jason: This is what I was talking about!

Jeff: A tempo.

Jason: McD is Arisen! Ooh, listen to those Fa la la las! YES, McD! YES!

Jeff: He still sounds kind of sleepy and/or drunk.

Jason: Fall on your knees! O hear the McD’s vocal!

Jeff: This was totally done in one take.

Jason: Oh yes. I agree.

Jeff: McD was probably in the parking lot.

Jason: Ha! He’s fa la laing all over the fucking place, Jeff. And I couldn’t be happier. I feel like doing the Snoopy dance on the piano.

Jeff: You know, it bears mentioning that this album was released by Hallmark.

Jason: !!! Jingle Bells! It’s a medley! YES! I love you, McD! Todd, you are forgiven! Barely!

Jeff: I ain’t forgiving you, Todd.

Jason: He’s back to decking those fucking halls.

Jeff: I’m forgiving McD barely.

Jason: Sing we joyous, all together! YES!

Jeff: You, Todd, are still on my shit list.

Jason: I’m not typing anymore. I’m clapping.

Jeff: Guitar solo!

Jason: Great piano. Great guitar. He’s going up the octave!

Jeff: Great drums, actually.

Jason: Watch the fuck OUT! Fa la la LA, McD!

Jeff: I’ve learned to take my live drums where I can get them on McD recordings. This is kind of funky.

Jason: Stop thinking so hard, Jeff. Just enjoy this.

Jeff: I do not hate it. Big finish! Jazz hands!

Jason: Fosse! We totally deserved this.

Jeff: Oh, we worked for it.

Jason: We sat through three shitty McD tunes to get to where we are today. I’m so happy.

Jeff: He has re-earned his Patron Saint status.

Jason: It’s like we finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel, y’know? Tito, get me some tissue!

Jeff: Jermaine, stop teasing!

Jason: Mr. Michael McDonald, you are forgiven. I have forgiven all your trespasses.

Jeff: For now.

Jason: Namely “Through The Many Winters,” “Christmas On The Bayou,” that shitty song with Olivia Newton-John…

Jeff: Most of your solo albums,

Jason: and what the hell, I’ll throw some of that shit from Blue Obsession on there as well. I’m breathing a huge sigh of relief.

Jeff: How about the “Sweet Freedom” video? Is he forgiven for that?

Jason: No. I LOVE that video. Don’t you even, Jeff. Don’t you even. McD. Hines. Crystal. CLASSIC.

Jeff: You…you have problems.

Jason: I can’t hear you right now. I have my fingers in my ears. FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

[youtube]8PAxl8_pB_k[/youtube]

And, as a very special Mellowmas Eve bouns – because you can’t make this shit up – Michael McDonald, Amy Grant, Vince Gill and Chet Atkins (!!) singing “The Chipmunk Song.” (Jeff: “Look at those mom jeans! He looks like he’s hiding a sack of potatoes in his crotch!”)

[youtube]ZJmvygeupwo[/youtube]

Happy Mellowmas Eve, everybody! Snuggle up tight in your beds, and join us tomorrow morning for Mellowmas Day!

  • Bob

    Those songs were terrible/wonderful as always.

    Thanks for all the hard work, guys. Once again, you’ve given the gift that keeps on giving!

    Here’s wishing you and your families a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New (Pop Dose) Year.

    Cheers!

    Bob

  • Old Davy

    Jeff: Are you reading the phone book? Who is Carol Wexford?

    BEST MELLOWMAS LINE YET!

    I’d be surely disappointed if I were ever able to understand a single word that McD sings. He’s always sounded like he has a dozen acorns stashed away in his cheeks.

    I’m too scared to watch the “chipmunks” video…

  • EightE1

    “The Chipmunk Song?” McD’s kids must truly hate him. And after hearing all this stuff, I’m not too crazy ’bout him, either.

    Even the medley sounds contrived. Didn’t he do that New York Rock & Soul Revue with Donald Fagen about 15 years ago? I remember his stuff on that seemed cool and effortless, not labored in the least. Of course, Kenny Rogers could probably play in a soul revue with Donald Fagen and seem funky.

    But what I really kept thinking throughout was, man, after this, the 25th day of Mellowmas is going to be a humdinger …

    Rob
    EightE1

  • I couldn’t make it through any of the mush-mouth McD songs, but I listened to nearly 2 minutes of “Through the Many Winters.” At 6:51, it’s his “Hey Jude” of Christmas tunes.

    You don’t expect an album with “Christmas on the Bayou” to have a its singer wear a snow-dusted scarf on the cover.

    Carol Wexford may want to get an unlisted number…

  • Dw. Dunphy

    Hooo boy.

    The “Deck The Halls” was just okay, although he totally nicked the fa-la-laas from Van Morrison’s sha-la-laas and that Counting Crows douchebomb & his freaking “Mr. Jones”. At least it moved.

    “Through The Many Winters” left me feeling all snuggly and cuddled. No. Wait. It left me feeling like I was buried alive in a snow bank while a member of the Donner Party gnawed on my blackened, frostbitten foot. That THAT recipe, Wolfgang Puck, you bastard.

    And as for “Christmas On The Bayou”, it truly speaks to the brilliance and commitment of McD that he would continue recording a song, all the while choking on a chicken bone, ah gair-rawn-tee!!

  • Dw. Dunphy

    Carol Wexford – If you’re half as hot as Debbie Boone, you’ll be getting a call from me, sho’ ’nuff ma cherie!

    COUGH COUGH!!

    Gasp. There’s that chicken bone.

  • By the way, not for nothing, but “Wexford Carol” is actually a fantastic song. It’s a duet between McD and his wife, Amy Holland. It’s made my top list of holiday songs. McD reaches some unbelievable notes.


    Here ’tis.
    You can never have too many McD holiday downloads!

  • You might say that song had “such a long way to gooooooo.”

  • Dan

    You’d better hope that HE doesn’t die now.

  • I’m just happy to know what McD and Amy Holland are married, not surprised that he produced “How Will I Survive” although mildy surprised to find he didn’t write that song as well. Guess he doesn’t need me to duet with him on it now.

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  • KBayou

    I understand that some do not like Michael McDonal’s Christmas on the Bayou. For me, I’m a HUGE Doobie Brothers fan and I’m from south Louisiana, I was shocked that he did a zydeco Christmas song. Yaya is part of our slang/terms … it was a generous song to my culture. Again, I understand that not everyone likes it, but it warmed my heart.

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