The Fourth Day Of Mellowmas: BISH!
Welcome back to our 4th Day of the 12 Days Of Mellowmas! Nothing needs to be said about the following artist. Well, nothing, that is, except the conversation between Jefito and I below. Enjoy the download…or don’t. You probably won’t. If the cover design is any indication of the contents within…
Stephen Bishop – Jingle Bell Rock (download)
From Merry Bishmas
Jason: oooh, fade in!
Jeff: Feel the winter magic, bitches!
Jason: The 12 voices of Bish!
Jeff: Was that Lance Bass?
Jason: I have to be honest with you, there’s only one reason why I picked this song. I’ll tell you when we hit it.
Jason: "Now the jingle hop’s begun?" That’s not the line! Bishop’s ALWAYS taking liberties! Fuck him!
Jeff: The line is what Bish says it is.
Jeff: Boogie-woogie Casio piano!
Jason: Exactly! nice bluesy keyboard, but it’s all synth!
Jeff: Fats Waller is spinning in his grave. And it takes some serious force to make that happen.
"Mix and a-mingle!"
Jason: by the way, these are real drums. Definitely.
Jeff: I love the "woo" before the pantywaist guitar solo. Is that even a guitar?
Jason: oooh, horns!
Jeff: A sax-ish!
Jason: Break it down, Bish! You bad mofo! Okay, here’s the part I love: The phone rings! And the vocal production changes, like Bish picked up the phone, and it was Bish on the phone, singing the line!
Jeff: Bish is important. You think he doesn’t get calls on the sleigh?
Jason: THAT’S why I picked this song.
Jeff: Mod-u-laaate!
Jason: oh my god, that horrible ending casio chord…
Jeff: Ha! He just did a Lennon!
Jason: and suddenly, Ringo Starr shows up.
Jeff: He just totally tried to sound like…oh, Ringo?
Jason: well, at least we both think it’s a Beatle.
Jeff: I guess that makes more sense.
Jason: They’re interchangeable in terms of accents.
Jeff: If Bish were to try and sound like any Beatle, I suppose it would have to be Ringo.
Jason: See, here’s what I don’t get. Why the phone call effect? Like, what was the point? Why would we need a phone call and somebody singing the line on the other end?
Jeff: It’s to drive home the point that Bish is fucking phoning it in.
Jason: Ahhh, that’s a good point. Unless this tied in with a movie or video, which is totally plausible, being that it’s Bish?
Jeff: Did you know Bish did a song for the soundtrack to a Barney movie?
Jason: He mentions that in that clip Terje referenced. Did he do the entire soundtrack?
Jeff: Let me rephrase: Did you know Bish has no pride?
Jason: THAT, I knew. The royalties from his song on The Money Pit soundtrack must have slowed down.
Jeff: From $25 a quarter to $.25 a quarter.
Jason: less than a quarter a quarter. That phone that rang in the song? That was Bish calling collect.
Jeff: Hahahahahah! Bish is so lame, he has to call himself collect.
Jeff: I wonder if he saw those Michael McDonald calling card commercials and thought, "That should have been me. ‘It Might Be You’ would have been perfect for these commercials. Fuck Mr. Beardy McSoulface and his product placement."
Jason: If I ever heard that Bish spoke ill of McD, I’d have to burn all my Bish records. Which would be easy, ’cause I don’t have any.
Jeff: I was gonna say, I hope it’d be a quick fire.
Jason: Oh, yeah.
Jeff: You know, I’m going to try and mount a campaign to make Bishmas the new Festivus.
Jason: That’s a briliant idea! It’d be you and me. And our readers.
Jeff: Absolutely.
Jason: We could all get together and celebrate Bishmas. It’d be lamer than a Farscape convention.
Jeff: We could try and get a bunch of dried-up hacks to record "Do They Know It’s Bishmas?"
Jason: Hahahahaha! "It’s Bishmas time…there’s much need to be afraid…"
Jeff: The U.N. could drop used Bish CDs on the starving children of Ghana.
Jason: What would they do with them? They don’t need coasters.
Jeff: Imagine the heartwarming holiday spirit you’d feel watching the slow fade from Sally Struthers’ face to the reaction of a kid who just had a copy of "Bowling in Paris" dropped on his yurt.
Jason: "Separate Lives? I thought this was a Phil Collins song! I don’t believe in NOTHING no more!!!"
Jeff: Well, anyway, Jason. Merry Bishmas to you and yours.
Jason: Thank you, Jeff. And a Merry Bishmas to you, but only you, not the wife and kid. I wouldn’t wish Bishmas on them. Only you.
Jeff: Ha!
December 14th, 2006 at 10:46 am
[…] Get captionin’! And don’t forget to head over to Jason’s place for the all-new, all-wimpy Fourth Day of Mellowmas! […]
December 14th, 2006 at 11:41 am
Jason, I’m thoroughly impressed with your excellent posts, the high quality of the content (verbally, at least :)) and your general dedication to the mellow. I was waiting for Bish’s Christmas, and here it is!! Makes me sad to witness how those ubelievably crappy sequencers completely diminish his beautiful and sensitive vocal interpretation, though.(sarcasm…)
I think I may be in serious trouble because of you. Gino Vannelli, Kenny Loggins and Ambrosia are all over my playlists. I eagerly await a new Mellow Gold post every week. I’m thinking about mellow music morning, day and night. I’m toying with the idea of dedicating a blog of my own to soft rock.
Worst of it all – and I’m incredibly embarrassed to tell you, but it needs to be told – last night I had the most horrible nightmare: Peter Cetera, Christopher Cross and Stephen Bishop covering Good King Wenceslas/We Three Kings – as a barbershop a capella trio – in tights!! (may have something to do with watching Will Ferrell in Elf last night, though). My wife had to wake me up in the middle of the night. I’m in distress. I’m in trouble in so meeny, meeny weh’s…
Please tell me you’re going through similar trials now that you’re delivering this stuff together with jefito on a daily basis… I need to know I’m not alone here…
December 14th, 2006 at 5:08 pm
oops, I seem to have killed off your comments section on this one singlehandedly with my disturbing experience – sorry ’bout that :(… oh, and to put all doubts to rest: the sarcasm reference at the end of the 1st paragraph applies only to that last statement, about the music… and absolutely NOT to your efforts on this site! Merry Bishmas!
December 14th, 2006 at 5:19 pm
No, Terje, you didn’t kill off the comment section – I laughed my ass off – but when you wrote "I need to know I’m not alone here," I just couldn’t resist waiting a little to respond; just wanted to freak you out a bit. I’m not going to lie aand tell you that your dream doesn’t disturb me, but hey, if it’s between your dream and my continual I’m-falling-quickly-in-a-broken-elevator dream, I’ll take Bish in tights any day.
You’re not alone in the Mellow Gold addiction, although you may have taken it to new levels. Wear it as a badge of pride, sir: you are a sensitive wuss of a man, and nobody can take that aweh from you. I’m proud to have done my part. My sympathies to your wife. I’m sure my wife could give her some tips on how to deal with someone who’s listening to this music a bit too much for his own good.
December 14th, 2006 at 5:42 pm
Oh you’re a sadistic little… I could feel the paranoia coming on there. See – I doubted my English skills for a moment and began to think I had offended you – I’m a complete wuss! Oh well. Anyway, thank you very much for your consoling words and sympathy. It seems our wives would probably have a lot to talk about. Let’s never introduce them to each other…
December 14th, 2006 at 5:48 pm
If there was a caption contest for Stephen Bishop’s picture on "Happy Bishmas," it would be something like: "I just shit my pants."
December 14th, 2006 at 6:04 pm
I don’t approve of Bish’s beard.
December 14th, 2006 at 6:09 pm
Since we’re picking on the album cover, why do you think that he chose the typical "Old West Newspaper" font for all his song titles?
December 14th, 2006 at 9:45 pm
Isn’t he the guy who got his guitar smashed by Belushi in Animal House? "I gave my love a cherry…"
December 15th, 2006 at 12:39 am
Yep, he’s the guy from “Animal House.” And “The Blues Brothers.” And probably some other John Landis films.
Jason, it appears that Stephen let one of his kids design this album cover, possibly on my old Mac Classic II from college.
December 15th, 2006 at 11:48 am
Hey! I like Farscape!
December 15th, 2006 at 5:22 pm
I heard On and On driving home today from work on XM and I didn’t change the channel.
December 15th, 2006 at 7:33 pm
I just couldn’t let it go, I had to see this image once more – and I’m on vacation with a lot of spare time – so welcome to my world
December 16th, 2006 at 9:25 am
Terje, THAT IS FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE.
I am so impressed! And scared! But mostly impressed!