Welcome back to another Adventures Through The Mines Of Mellow Gold! It’s frickin’ freezing outside here in NY, and I’m tired of it. I was going to save today’s track for a warmer month, but I need a little summer right now. And so do you. I’ve decided.

Jay Ferguson – Thunder Island (download)

Sha-la-la-la-la-la, my wussies!

“Thunder Island” has been recommended a few times here, and I can tell from other comments on the web that this is one of those well-loved summer tracks from the late ’70s. And with good reason! “Thunder Island” is a Mellow Gold gem in the same vein as songs like “Chevy Van” – ones where the protagonist doesn’t wind up sitting at home, quietly crying himself to sleep while clutching a teddy bear and a pint of Chubby Hubby, but instead actually gets the girl – and totally nails her!

First, of course, a little about Mr. Ferguson.

I’m whacking the shit out of the next person who mocks my shirt!

Jay Ferguson was a grew up in California and found his musical calling at a young age, learning the piano, banjo and drums and utilizing these skills in a number of bands – mostly garage bands, although he did form a bluegrass group at an early age with his brother Tom. His first successful band was formed after an afternoon love-in at Griffith Park.

awkward silence

Named Spirit, the group had a psychedelic sound (did the love-in give it away?) but also included elements of jazz and hard rock. The band had modest success, and a couple of Top 40 hits, but Ferguson left in the early ’70s to form Jo Jo Gunne with Spirit bassist Mark Andes. Jo Jo Gunne had a couple of hits as well, but Andes left to join a little wussy band named Firefall, and after a few more member changes, Ferguson embarked on a solo career. His first solo album was entitled All Alone In The End Zone.

awkward silence

The album wasn’t much of a success, but his follow-up Thunder Island – was a biggie. Produced by Bill Symsczk Szzymzyck Sczczczcz Szymczyk (as was the first), the title track reached #9 and brought both Ferguson and the album strong success. Ferguson did have other minor hits (most notably a song entitled “Shakedown Cruise”), but he never matched the success of “Thunder Island.”

We get it! You like showing off your chest! Now button up! And shave your moustache!
Look at his left hand next to the bushes: kinda looks like Wolverine, no?

Musically, this song is tons o’ fun: strong piano and drums, with a bass run at the end of each phrase that I’m pretty sure was timed to match up with pelvic thrusts on the beach. The backing vocals are joyful – the kind you can’t help but sing at the top of your lungs in a convertible (if you’re still in 1978, of course). And if the slide guitar sounds familiar, you can thank Joe Walsh, who guested on a number of Ferguson songs, including “Thunder Island.” Don’t go looking for any examples of musical mastery here; it’s not like we’re dealing with tricky bridges or endless chord changes like in “Never Gonna Let You Go.” Nope, this song is as simple as they come – but what more do you need, really?

And these lyrics – well, to start: I’m sure you’ll agree with me that nothing says humpin’ in the summer like Du Du De-Dit, Du De-Dit, Du De-Dit, Du Du Du Dit Du, right? Right. As we already know, there’s nothing more Mellow Gold than calling your female companion your “woman” or “lady.” I don’t know what the hell Ferguson means by “Sha-la-la-la-la-la, m’lady,” but it doesn’t matter. He’s stickin’ it to her and she’s not complaining. In fact, through the lyrics, Ferguson tells a fun story about this wonderful romp with his lady – “a summer’s day laughin and a-hidin’, chasin’ love out on Thunder Island.” I don’t think I need to tell you what he was a-hidin’. Huh? Huh?!?

But, of course, the wonderful days didn’t last. No, the sad truth is that one day – I’m choking up as I recount this story – it rained. Yup. They were “caught by the rain and blinded by the lightnin’.” And then she got struck by lightning and burned to a little crisp. No, I’m kidding. They rode out the storm. And then…yes. You guessed it. They went back to humpin’ around.

If any of these edge-of-your-seat plot points seem unfamiliar to you, I’m guessing it’s because you tuned out after the Du De-Dits and Sha-la-las. And that’s perfectly okay. Let’s face it, a song like this gets its point across within the first ten seconds. Here’s an appropriate comparison: remember “Make Me Lose Control” by Eric Carmen? Pretty much the same song. You remember the chorus – “turn the radio up for that sweet sound” etc – but you’d be hard-pressed to remember any of the lyrics in the verses. Again – totally fine. You’re enjoying both for the way they made you feel during the summer that you heard them. (Nevermind that “Thunder Island” hit the Top 10 in April.)

So where IS this magical Thunder Island, anyway? Maybe it’s this Thunder Island, located in beautiful Fulton, NY:

Let’s all hope this is not the paradise of which Jay Ferguson was speaking. (And it it just me, or is Tubby talking on his cell phone while presumably being sucked down a drain of some sort?)

Perhaps he was referring to a place of discovery and knowledge, pathways of knowing who you really are and how to create a world for All Our Relations and future generations to live and thrive in:

No, that’s not it. I know! He was referring to a place where you can buy some cheap bitches! Or maybe the state you’re in when you have some really fine coffee! Actually, if it were anywhere, it’d probably be here, right? After all, the song is quoted right there on their homepage. But Jay Ferguson isn’t Canadian (although there is a Canadian musician named Jay Ferguson, but that’s another story). The truth is, according to Ferguson, that “Thunder Island is an invention, with the idea that everyone is invited to fill in their own Thunder Island – real or imagined. My personal Thunder Island experience involved meeting the girl I later married….I was in a very erotic state of mind when I wrote that.”

awkward silence

Wanna see a great video? Here’s Ferguson performing “Thunder Island” in Japan, 1979. I’m not going to spoil it, but suffice to say that at around 4:00, he breaks out the big guns.

[youtube]pdfyUZUllLI[/youtube]

So what’s Jay Ferguson up to lately? Well, after releasing his final album in 1982, Ferguson opted to focus on composing music for television and films. He worked on the scores for movies such as License To Drive, Johnny Be Good, Tremors 2: Aftershocks, and even contributed the song “Pictures Of You” to the soundtrack for The Terminator. (Hey, Jefito…Lost Soundtrack Classic? Call me.) Chances are that you haven’t heard most of these. However, you might be familiar with the theme song to the US version of “The Office” – that’s all Jay Ferguson, baby!

So if you find that the winter weather’s getting you down, and you need just a bit of summer lovin’ to get you through…this is your track. Enjoy! And see you next week for another episode of Adventures Through The Mines Of Mellow Gold!

Crawling with Gibbs? Damn, that sounds like a tagline for a teen horror movie. "Don’t open the door. Don’t look under the bed. Don’t stare at the mirror, and don’t EVER recognize that tingling, slithering, itching feeling creeping over your skin… for if you do, your very flesh will be CRAWLING WITH GIBBS!!!

(iTunes is being wonky today, so just Amazon links are included.)

10.  How Deep Is Your Love – Bee Gees  Amazon
9.  Lay Down Sally – Eric Clapton  Amazon
8.  Night Fever – Bee Gees  Amazon
7.  We Are The Champions – Queen  Amazon
6.  Dance, Dance, Dance (Yowsah, Yowsah, Yowsah) – Chic  Amazon
5.  Emotion – Samantha Sang  Amazon
4.  Sometimes When We Touch – Dan Hill  Amazon
3.  Just The Way You Are – Billy Joel  Amazon
2.  (Love Is) Thicker Than Water – Andy Gibb  Amazon
1.  Stayin’ Alive – Bee Gees  Amazon

10.  How Deep Is Your Love – Bee Gees (download)  The Gibb brothers were a few songs into a new album when Robert Stigwood, producer of Saturday Night Fever, asked them to take charge of the soundtrack to the upcoming film.  He wanted a handful of dance numbers, and a love ballad.  Obviously, this was the love ballad. Originally intended for Yvonne Elliman, Robert Stigwood – producer of Saturday Night Fever – requested that the Bee Gees perform this one themselves.  Elliman was given "If I Can’t Have You," also penned by the Gibbs.

The song was not slated for single release, but was always intended to accompany the movie’s iconic shot of Travolta walking down the street.  When this opening was released as part of the movie’s trailer, people immediately started requesting a single from RSO Records.  As you can see, the tune was a smash – and when it fell from #1, no problem – it was replaced by "(Love Is) Thicker Than Water."

Hey everybody, guess what?  Next week starts the first of four guest posts, written by some absolutely fantastic writers.  Are you excited?  I’m excited…and a little nervous to see how they put me to shame.  So be sure to come back next week for the All-Guest Edition of CHART ATTACK!  Have a great weekend!

Howdy, everybody, and welcome to another edition of Adventures Through The Mines Of Mellow Gold! Hope you didn’t put that cowboy hat away, pardner; we’re going back to the country side of Mellow Gold for today’s track!

Terri Gibbs – Sonmebody’s Knockin’ (download)

I’d love to tear this one apart, musically, but I really can’t. There’s simply not much to say about the song from a musical standpoint. “Somebody’s Knockin'” seems like a pretty straightforward country-twinged tune, except for when you throw in the harmonica, at which point it kinda sounds like Supertramp’s “Take The Long Way Home.” It’s pleasant enough; the song shuffles along at a nice pace, with a nice blend between acoustic guitars and piano. There’s not really a lot of synth – maybe just a few keyboard flourishes here and there – which, of course, is disappointing from the Mellow Gold perspective and doesn’t make much of an impact otherwise. Overall, this song is a musical snooze-fest. There’s just really nothing interesting going on. Even the lead vocal is just…there.

Well, except for one line: “Lord it’s the devil, would you look at him.” Excerpted below:

[audio:http://www.wwmmd.net/tunes/inline/him.mp3]

Did you hear the way he said “him?” Go back and listen again. That’s not “him.” That’s “heee-um,” and qualifies for the most wimpy delivery of the word “him” since Roger Daltrey whined it in “Substitute” back in 1966. Let’s compare, shall we?

[audio:http://www.wwmmd.net/tunes/inline/himhim.mp3]

Terri, I wasn’t so sure about how mellow this song was, but you suddenly qualified with just one word. Congratulations, you wuss.

So okay, maybe we don’t have much to go on from a musical perspective. But lyrically, we’ve got some good stuff here. “Somebody’s Knocking” is a song about the temptations of the devil. I’ll be honest, I’m surprised such a song could even make it onto the charts.

Somebody’s knockin’,
Should I let him in
Lord, it’s the Devil, would you look at him
I’ve heard about him, but I never dreamed
He’d have blue eyes and blue jeans

Now, maybe it’s just because I’m not a religious sort, but songs about the devil and temptation and whatnot really irritate me (Charlie Daniels not included). But I’m actually not irritated here. I was during the first three lines, but then we got to this “blue eyes and blue jeans” business, and now I’m more confused than anything else. Why is this guy talking about the devil having blue eyes and blue jeans? Is he…(gasp) GAY? Is that what’s going on here?

Well, somebody’s talkin’,
He’s whisperin’ to me
Your place or my place,
Well, which will it be
I’m gettin’ weaker and he’s comin’ on strong
But I don’t wanna go wrong

I refuse to believe that 1980s radio – 1980s country radio – would have allowed such a song to make it to the top of the charts. There was no mention of the dark side of homosexuality on the charts in those days. Hell, there’s no mention of it now, either (“I Kissed A Girl” doesn’t count and you know it, so I don’t want to hear it.).

So here’s my theory: Terri Gibbs is thinking about shooting some smack. He hasn’t done it yet, but he’s thinking about it. All the paraphernalia is right there in front of him. And suddenly, the devil shows up. Terri knows he has a choice to make: “your place” – heaven – or “my place” – hell. The devil and the drugs are powerful, Terri. You’re gettin’ weaker and he’s comin’ on strong. But you don’t wanna go wrong. Hold on, Terri! HOLD ON!

He must have tapped my telephone line
He must have known I was spendin’ my time alone
He says we’ll have one heavenly night
My fever’s burnin’, so he oughta be right at home

Yeah, it’s gotta be drugs. Because otherwise, I take that “one heavenly night” line and I’m right back at the lowest common denominator on this website (butt sex). So, yes. I’ve decided: this song is about Terri turning away from the evils of heroin. Of course, the only line that doesn’t compute with this is the “blue eyes and blue jeans” part. I’m lost on that one. Was there some kind of denim backlash in 1980? Were only BAD people wearing blue jeans? And what the hell’s wrong with blue eyes? This song makes no fucking sense. Who the hell recommended this?

Anyway, let’s give you some history on Terri Gibbs, shall we? According to AMG, Gibbs was born in Miami in 1954 and raised from age one in Augusta, GA; blind from birth, she turned to music at an early age, and…

Wait a minute.

What?

I need to read that again.

she turned to music at an early age

Wait a second. TERRI’S A GIRL?

You have got to be kidding me. This can’t be true. Have you listened to “Somebody’s Knockin'” yet? That doesn’t sound like a girl to me! That sounds like a guy! Hang on while I go in search of pictures.

No, I’m still not buying it. That’s a DUDE.

Okay, getting closer. But still, that could be a really effeminate-looking guy. No. I need solid proof of this.

Huh. Well, you can’t make the message any clearer than that album title (located right below her name). I guess that’ll have to do it.

Okay, I’ll come clean: when writing all of the above, I obviously already knew this startling fact. But this shock is not an act. Last Friday, late afternoon, Mike called me:

Mike: So what’s on board for Mellow Gold next week?
Jason: I don’t know. I’m thinking about this song called “Somebody’s Knockin’,” it’s this creepy song about being tempted by the devil.
Mike: Never heard of it.
Jason: Listen to the way he says the word “him.”
(plays clip over the phone)
Mike: (laughing hysterically) That’s worse than…
Jason: ….Roger Daltrey! I know!
(Mike and Jason spend a minute singing “me for him” over and over again and laughing ’cause they’re clearly still in high school)
Mike: Who’s it by?
Jason: Terri Gibbs?
Mike: Never heard of him.
Jason: Me either. Let me see what he’s about.
(pause)
Jason: NO!
Mike: What?
Jason: Dude? That’s a girl.
Mike: IT IS NOT!
Jason: I swear.
Mike: No.
Jason: Yes! Hang on, let me find a picture.
(pause)
Jason: Holy shit.
Mike: What?
Jason: She has an album called I’m A Lady.
(sends Mike the picture, more hysterical laughter on both ends)
Mike: The spelling of “Terri” should have tipped you off.
Jason: That does NOT sound like a girl! AND she’s blind! I guess that explains the hair.

So I want you to know, it’s not like I knew all along. I’d be curious to know if any of you knew Terri was a girl before getting to this part of the entry, especially if you listened to the song first.

See, NOW the song makes sense. The devil is a dude! With blue eyes and blue jeans! And he may or may not want sex of some sort. Maybe all he wants is to give Terri a haircut, I don’t know.

But anyway, about Terri Gibbs: yes, she was blind since birth, and learned to play the piano at the tender age of 3. Her hero was Chet Atkins, who heard her demo tape and suggested she head to Nashville. Unfortunately, success wasn’t forthcoming, and Gibbs wound up pursuing a number of different avenues – college, other bands – before returning to her hometown of Augusta, GA and shopping around another demo tape. The demo made its way to Ed Penney, a producer and songwriter who had penned songs for Jerry Lee Lewis, Anne Murray and Barbara Mandrell. Penney signed her to MCA, and teamed up with Jerry Gillespie to create “Somebody’s Knockin’.” Gillespie was a popular producer, having worked with greats such as B.B. King, Dusty Springfield, Kenny Rogers, The Judds, and….Dan Seals!

“Somebody’s Knockin'” was from Gibbs’ 1981 debut album, and performed admirably: not only did it reach #8 on the Country charts, but crossed over to the Pop charts at #13. It also reached the A/C top five. And apparently nobody else had a problem with knowing she was a woman. It was, apparently, just me. And Mike.

Gibbs never matched the success of “Somebody’s Knockin’,” but that’s not to say she was a one-hit wonder – far from it, actually. She had a number of Top 20 hits on the country charts, toured successfully with George Jones, and won the Academy of Country Music’s “Best New Female Vocalist” award, as well as the Country Music Association’s “Inaugural Horizon” award, which gives recognition to those with really big glasses.

And for all you hard-core gangstas who read Mellow Gold – you probably know “Somebody’s Knockin'” already! Don’t you remember DMX’s song “The Convo” from It’s Dark And Hell Is Hot?

[audio:http://www.wwmmd.net/tunes/inline/dmxknocking.mp3]

You have no idea how long it took me to uncover that one.

Well, now that “Somebody’s Knockin'” has completely forced me to re-evaluate my own skills of critical judgment, I think it’s time to sign off. Thanks for reading and we’ll see you next week for Adventures Through The Mines Of Mellow Gold!

I need a favor!

So here’s the story:  I’ve just been cast in a fantastic new play.  It’s entitled Postcards From A Dead Dog, and it’s being produced by Emerging Artists Theatre (EAT), a company that I have been privileged to be a member of over the past four years.  I also have another gig at The Bitter End coming up with Evil Prince Ludwig The Indestructible, and hopefully an ’80s acoustic gig with Mike later in the Spring.  I’ll definitely be plugging the hell out of all of these.

But the point of this post is that we’ve just started rehearsals on Postcards, and it’s going to be taking up most of my free time until it opens in about three weeks.  So I thought I’d ask you, my excellent readers and commenters: would any of you like to take a stab at guest-writing Chart Attack?  I’ll be able to keep Mellow Goldin’ it, but I’m not so sure about the Friday posts.  Plus, I’ve seen your unbelievable comments (which, I hate to admit, are often much better than the posts themselves), and I’ve also seen the way Jefitoblog thrives from the excellent guest Idiot’s Guide posts.  You and me, folks: we’re a match made in bad-music-heaven.

Here’s the way this would work.  I’d be looking for guests to write a Friday post for March 2, March 9, and March 16.  If enough people are interested, I’ll give up March 23rd as well.  As you know, I try to pick a corresponding week from somewhere in the Billboard charts – I usually stay comfortably within the ’80s but that’s certainly up to you – and the rest is pretty self-explanatory.  The Top 10s for each week aren’t readily available on the Internet, as far as I know (you can try here although I haven’t checked to see if they’re accurate).  You can request a year that you like, or I can surprise you with whatever year I’ve already lined up.  I’ll send you all the info, plus mp3s of every song in the Top 10, and you just let me know which two you’d like to offer for download.

So if you’re interested, drop me an e-mail and we’ll talk.  I’ll post in the comments after I have my three or four interested parties!

EDIT:  That was quick!  I’ve got four interested parties!  The month of March will officially be GUEST CHART ATTACK! month – I can’t wait until I’m eventually rendered completely obsolete at my own website!

Welcome back, everybody, to yet another edition of CHART ATTACK!  I know I’ve been hanging out in the late ’80s/early ’90s for the past few weeks.  I can’t help it; those are the years where I know most of the songs like the back of my hand.  Still, there are many other years to cover, and there’s a lot of fun in learning new stuff about mediocre songs.  And wouldn’t you know it – that brings us to the Top 10 for this week: February 16, 1980!

10.  Desire – Andy Gibb  Amazon iTunes
9.  On The Radio – Donna Summer  Amazon iTunes
8.  Longer – Dan Fogelberg  Amazon iTunes
7.  Sara – Fleetwood Mac  Amazon iTunes
6.  Yes, I’m Ready – Teri DeSario with K.C.  iTunes
5.  Rock With You – Michael Jackson  Amazon iTunes
4.  Cruisin’ – Smokey Robinson  Amazon iTunes
3.  Coward Of The County – Kenny Rogers  Amazon iTunes
2.  Crazy Little Thing Called Love – Queen  Amazon iTunes
1.  Do That To Me One More Time – The Captain & Tennille  Amazon iTunes

10.  Desire – Andy Gibb  If you’re like me, you probably recognize that there’s a time and place for Bee Gee vocals.  Sometimes you really want to hear ’em; other times, you want to stick shards of glass in your ears in order to stop them.  If this is one of those bad days, don’t listen to this song.  (Here, I’ll make it easier for you by not offering it for download.)  I can take the trademark vocal sound most of the time, but when they are pathetically reduced to little more than repeatedly whining an "aaaah," it’s time for me to go.

9.  On The Radio – Donna Summer  Peaking at #5, "On The Radio" was one of Summer’s final disco hits before giving the finger to record label Casablanca and wisely moving away from the already present backlash.  Produced by longtime Summer collaborator Giorgio Moroder, you have to wonder whether Summer had just had it with the whole disco thing.  I mean, here’s a video of her performing "On The Radio," and she doesn’t move at all throughout the song.  I didn’t know it was possible.  I know I can’t help but shake my booty to this one.  The song was featured as the theme song to the movie Foxes, which  had a Moroder soundtrack and featured (among others) Jodie Foster and Scott Baio.  I honestly have no clue whether I want to see this movie or not.  I kind of do, but I kind of don’t.

And speaking of the ’70s, please come on back next Friday, when we’ll cover a Top 10 absolutely crawling with Gibbs!  Until then, have a great weekend and thanks for joining me for CHART ATTACK!