The Eighth Day of Mellowmas: Happy Fogelmas!
Well, folks, we had some good luck yesterday, didn’t we? Everybody seems to pretty much agree that the Carrack tune was a good one. Even reader Old Davy seems to think so:
Jason and Jeff, our Mellowmas leaders
You’ve only offered crap to all your blog readers
From Hippos and Pendergrass to a song by Pyle
The tracks have all been disgusting and vile
But lo and behold, what is this that I hear?
Some soulful samba to make listeners cheer
It took you a week, but day seven’s track
Is a not-half-bad song from ex-Ace man Carrack
After six days of crud I almost began weeping
But now you give us a song that’s worth keeping
Up until now, Mellowmas was sure stinkin’
Just please please please, NO Mandy Patinkin
Bravo! Bravo!! However, I’m sorry to inform you that the Carrack tune was a mistake. Such quality, as you should know by now, will not happen again during Mellowmas. Hell, read for yourself as we get jiggy with Fogelberg!
Dan Fogelberg – “At Christmas Time” (download or stream below)
From The First Christmas Morning Amazon iTunes
Jeff: Nice beat!
Jason: Surprise, fucker! Fogelberg’s Christmas album is, like, all Irish step music!
Jeff: It’s like the Mellowmas Death March!
Jason: Wait until you hear him sing! Synth horn!
Jeff: That is not a horn.
Jason: You like that?
Jeff: The Madrigal Fucktard Choir!
Jason: Everybody grab your Guinness!
Jeff: And a pistol! We’re heading out to Fogelberg’s castle!
Jason: You see how he doesn’t even hide the fact that he recorded each verse in two parts?
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
AT CHRISTMAS TIME!
Jeff: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Jason: does happy dance I’m literally sitting here clapping.
Jeff: He stopped singing, thank God.
Jason: Oh just you wait. Here he comes again!
Jeff: I think some elves just ran through my kitchen.
Jason: Those aren’t elves, Jeff. Those are the Fogelfans. They’re fuming.
Jeff: It’s funny, ’cause he’s singing about peace and sacrifice, but all I want to do is punch someone. Preferably someone with the last name Fogelberg.
Jason:
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
At Christmas time!
AT CHRISTMAS TIME!
COUNT HIS BLESSINGS, SO MANY!!!!
DO IT!!!
DO IT!!!
Jeff: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Jason: Even Tim Weisberg backed out of this one.
Jeff: Oh God!
Jason: This song is tricky.
Jeff: Tricky? Tricky how?
Jason: Meaning it tricks you. It starts with those great guitars, and then you realize he’s going for some Irish thing. You think you’re getting some kick ass song, and then suddenly you realize you need to put on your dancing shoes and get your cheeks all red.
Jeff: I just deleted it from my hard drive. I will never listen to that song again.
Jason: Ha!
Jeff: Fuck your synth horn and patched-in vocals, Fogelberg! You should have done “Same Old Lang Syne II”!
Jason: I will say – because I know we’re going to catch flak from Fogelheads – that there are some very pretty instrumentals on the album. However, most of the vocal tracks have this Irish thing going on. And I know a Fogelfan told me different, but I still insist that the man is Jewish.
Jeff: Whatever. Sellout.
Jason: I mean, his name is FogelBERG. I’m not Jewish, but…oh wait. Yes, I am. So yeah. That’s a Jewish name.
Jeff: I think he changed it from O’Fogel.
Jason: I forgot I was Jewish for a minute. Maybe it’s because I keep listening to Christmas songs. I think it’s also because I don’t go to temple or do anything remotely Jewish, other than complain.
Jeff: Don’t forget Kwanzaa, you racist prick.
Jason: How could I forget Kwanzaa and its many….bountiful….gifts?…of…the…season..?
Jeff: All right, it’s dinnertime here. I’m going to get in trouble.
Jason: It’s dinner time!
It’s dinner time!
It’s dinner time!
It’s dinner time!
It’s dinner time!
It’s dinner time!
IT’S DINNER TIME!!!!
Jeff: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
December 8th, 2007 at 9:36 am
I guess I asked for this the other day, didn’t I?
Some elves just ran through my office and told me to “turn that Fogelshit off.” Now they’re dancing around a miniature Stonehenge in my living room.
Am I imagining it, or is there this kind of left speaker-right speaker Pink Floyd thing going on in this song? I’d listen on headphones to make sure, but … I just don’t want to do that to my ears.
Thanks again, guys.
Rob
EightE1
December 8th, 2007 at 10:05 am
GOOD GAWD.
Is there some union law somewhere that says all Christmas songs must feature really cheap-ass-sounding synths?
December 8th, 2007 at 11:03 am
Aye, ’twas magically delicious, laddies. A worthy addition to the great canon of Irish culture – Swift, Yeats, Joyce…and Fogelberg?
December 8th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
I’m having a marvelous daydream in which everyone who ever played in the Pogues or Hothouse Flowers showed up at some pub in which Fogelberg was laying this down.
December 8th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Upon viewing that ever so professional looking CD cover, I got my hopes up that this was the episode where Elrond and Galadriel kicked Lord Fogelberg’s orkish ass.
Sadly, no.
December 8th, 2007 at 3:54 pm
Oh, and another thing about effective communication through song: if you want your audience to know it’s a Christmas song, don’t forget to say “Christmas” a lot.
You’d be amazed how many “artists” follow that one like a golden rule.
December 8th, 2007 at 9:35 pm
For the last week, I’ve been muddling through a holiday trifecta of bronchitis, laryngitis and sinusitis.
And now I have earitis.
Thanks.
December 9th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
While previewing this CD, I was overcome by emotion, hearing the tender way Dan sang “Je-e-e-sus Christ” in “In the Bleak Midwinter”. Then I got a blank CD and edited out “At Christmastime”, the subject of Jason’s wonderfully-crafted and rolling-on-the-floor-hilarious article. “Hark the Herald…” and “O Tannenbaum” were also omitted, and in lieu thereof, “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” from Jim Wilson’s Christmas CD and “Merry Christmas, Baby” with the e-town blues choir were added, and, by Fogel! it’s now my favorite holiday CD, even ahead of the Andy Williams and Dean Martin Christmas projects! If this editing is too much trouble, you can just touch the “->” (skip) button when the singing starts on “At Christmastime”, but DO IT QUICKLY!
Thanks, Jason, for the howling fodder, and I’m on my way to get the edited O’Fogel CD now to launch my Christmas listening on a high note. Happy Holidays!
December 10th, 2007 at 9:57 am
You know, Dan could just keep the good times going with versions that mention all holidays. To wit: “It’s Labor Day!” “It’s Easter Time!” “It’s Yom Kippur!” “It’s (Insert name here) Birthday!”
December 13th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Wow.
This is really AWFUL.
“I’m having a marvelous daydream in which everyone who ever played in the Pogues or Hothouse Flowers showed up at some pub in which Fogelberg was laying this down.”
Rum, Sodomy and the Lash, Beau? It’s all that Fogelberg deserves I guess.
December 16th, 2007 at 3:26 am
“Manly, yes, but I like it too!”…
…NOT!!!
December 16th, 2007 at 9:55 am
Put this one in the so-bad-it’s-wonderful category. The arrangement is atrocious, and Fogelberg is the wrong singer for it.
December 17th, 2007 at 11:06 am
Well, now, I hope you feel badly. Make amends.
December 17th, 2007 at 11:16 am
And he wasn’t Jewish. He was, like, Swedish or German or one of those groups that went and settled in the mid-west early on.
January 14th, 2008 at 4:50 am
God rest you, merry gentleman, Mr. Fogelberg. RIP. I loved your music from the first time I heard it.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:38 am
[…] hate Dan Fogelberg. Yes, he’s dead, I know, and we all felt bad when he died, mere days after Jeff and Jason’s Fogelmas dialogue last holiday season. But, short of maybe John Denver, was there ever a singer/songwriter who lashed […]
September 16th, 2009 at 10:32 am
[…] back for more the next year, and we hated on Fogelberg’s “At Christmas Time” in a column that posted just a few days before Fogelberg’s death. […]
January 31st, 2010 at 8:58 am
What horrible people you are …. so you didn’t like his Christmas album who cares …. but show a little respect you losers
December 4th, 2013 at 9:30 am
[…] I wish. It’s kind of like Fogelberg, without the beard and the frozen […]