The Thirteenth Day of Mellowmas: Drunkymas!
Happy First Day Of Extended Mellowmas! The scary thing is…we’re just getting started!
John Denver – “Please, Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas)” (download or stream below)
From Rocky Mountain Christmas Amazon iTunes
Jeff: What song today?
Jason: Ready to plead to daddy?
Jeff: Oh no.
Jason: Oh yes. Please. Daddy. Don’t get drunk this Christmas. Hey, didn’t your daughter sing this song to you last year?
[audio:http://www.wwmmd.net/tunes/mellowmas/denvertest.mp3]Jason: Oh god. I can’t believe this song.
Jeff: I never liked John Denver. I can’t believe those nerds from the Starland Vocal Band wrote it.
Jason: They wrote this for him?
Jeff: Either that or he stole it.
Jason: Holy shit! Talk about a passive-aggressive intervention! “Oh yeah, John, we, um, wrote this for….someone else…Jim Croce.”
Jeff: Goddammit, if you had a kid who sounded like this, don’t you think you’d get drunk every night of the fucking year?
Jason: Ha ha ha! Actually, I’d probably pay a pilot to sabotage a…oh.
Jeff: “I turned around and saw my mama’s tears.” This is depressing as hell. Is it supposed to be funny? Because it isn’t.
Jason: I love the voice crack on “Please.”
Jeff: Yeah, but it would be better if he didn’t do it every single time.
Jason: Big finish! Big finish for the alcoholic!
Jeff: Blech.
Jason: Wow.
Jeff: Miserable.
Jason: That was 2:37 and we had nothing to say about it.
Jeff: Well, I mean, it’s kind of heartbreaking.
Jason: I thought we were going to be much funnier with this one.
Jeff: One of the SVB members must have had a horrible childhood.
Jason: Who writes Christmas songs like this?
Jeff: The Danoffs! No wonder their Christmas album was never officially released!
Jason: Oh, you’re not going to get me to speak ill about SVB again. I don’t think Bill Danoff is too happy about last year.
Jeff: I’m not happy about right now.
Jason: And I still feel bad about it. I seriously love Starland Vocal Band.
Jeff: Even after this?
Jason: Bill, if you’re reading this, well, first, why are you reading this? Second, I love you.
Jeff: Third, what the hell were you thinking?
Jason: Don’t listen to him, Bill!
Jeff: What’s next, “Please Daddy (No More Sodomy for New Year’s)”?
Jason: I think Bill was clearly trying to tell John that maybe – just maybe – he needed to, you know, not get drunk this Christmas.
Jeff: I’m telling you, that song came from a very real, very dark place. And it should have stayed there.
Jason: I wonder if there’s a published story behind it.
Jeff: Me too.
Jason: I guess I’ll just keep on wondering. Because I can’t be bothered to look it up.
Jeff: I’m looking it up. Oh. My. God. The Decemberists covered this. What kind of world do we live in?
Jason: They did? I know Alan Jackson did.
Jeff: Alan Jackson will cover anything.
Jason: The Decemberists probably being ironic. I’m not listening to this. I won’t. I refuse.
Jeff: Dude, it literally cannot be worse than this.
Jason: Please Jefito (Don’t Make Me Listen To Indie Hipsters This Christmas)
Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha!
December 13th, 2007 at 11:42 am
Bill Danoff – Hey John. I just wrote a Christmas song that I think is important for you. It’s called, “Please Daddy, Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas”.
John Denver – Sounds like a hoot’n holler! Let’s have a toast!
Bill Danoff – Uh, no… You see, I was…
John Denver – Over the teeth and past the gums, look out stomach, here it comes! GLUG
December 13th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
I love this.
Then again, I’m so whipped by Colleen at this point I automatically love anything that has a mandolin and an acoustic guitar walking up to the root chord.
It’s that easy.
December 13th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
“Please, Mikey, don’t be whipped this Christmas….”
December 13th, 2007 at 3:38 pm
Of COURSE Daddy’s drinking! Grandma just got run over by a freaking REINDEER, dammit!
December 13th, 2007 at 6:21 pm
What a Christmas. Drunk off your ass on the Eve, and Rocky Mountain High on the morn.
December 13th, 2007 at 7:00 pm
You fill up my seeeennnn-sezzzz
Like a quart of cheap whiskey
Like a shot of tequiiiiilaaaa
Like a barrel of beeeeer
Like a cold Bloody Maarrrry
On a hungover morning
You fill up my seeeennnn-sezzzz
Come fill me [uuuuurrrrrp]
Rob
EightE1
December 13th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
My daddy used to get drunk every Christmas, and it was a hoot! I remember he used to start at about 6:30 in the morning with a good stiff shot of bourbon in his coffee. Hell, why not? He had the day off work! More bourbon went into the egg nog, a little more rum drizzled over the rum cake, and then the high balls started flowing. He’d be so tanked by the time we were done ripping open presents, he’d have several pairs of the underwear that Grammy gave us EVERY SINGLE YEAR on his head, and tried to coax Mom to stand under the mistletoe. And Mom was totally exhausted from all the planning, cooking, cleaning and putting up with the in-laws’ shit, that she usually popped a double dose of the prescription Valium she was on. We could tell she was at the point of no return when she began smiling from ear to ear and just stared into space. Man, me and my brothers went totally WILD at that point. I remember the year Dougie got the new electric guitar and amp. I bet we were the only house on the block to ever have the cops come out on Christmas day and tell us to keep the noise down. Good times, good times.
December 14th, 2007 at 9:54 am
I shed a tear when I heard this song…mostly because I was wincing.
December 15th, 2007 at 2:33 am
Didn’t John Denver have an alcohol problem? He was twice arrested for driving under the influence, which makes this significantly less funny than it’s supposed to be.
December 15th, 2007 at 2:37 am
Good lord, does this mean we’ll soon be treated to “Dear Mr. Jesus” by Power Source (that child abuse nugget from Christmas 1987)???