Welcome back to another week here at Adventures Through The Mines Of Mellow Gold, where I have the inexplicable need to mention the name of the series at the beginning and end of each entry. Oh, what mellow goodness shall we be mining for today? What could beat last week’s song by “England Dan” Seals and John Ford Coley?

Seals & Crofts – Summer Breeze (download)

From one Seals to another, bitches!

I’ve wanted to cover “Summer Breeze” for months, now. Pretty much since I started this series. I thought perhaps it was lame, though, to cover it during the late Fall or early Winter, considering the song is not called “Autumn Breeze” or “Winter Breeze.” (Kind of a shame, really, because Autumn breezes rock, and also make me feel fine.) Technically, it’s not summer yet, but since I live in the concrete jungle, the days of summer breezes are pretty much over already. (We had a great early May.) But enough babbling: let’s cover the hell out of this one.

Jimmy Seals and Dash Crofts have shared a great deal of interesting experiences together; it would be difficult to cover all the facets of their career in this entry, so I’ll point you towards the official Seals & Crofts website, where you can follow their career from junior high school, when they first met, to The Champs (of “Tequila” fame), to a band with Glen Campbell, to their success as S&C and beyond. It’s a fantastic chronicle of the duo written by a guy named Anthony Bentivegna, who is to Seals & Crofts what Dominic is to Benny Mardones (that joke will make sense to the five of you who read the site back in the Fall). Thanks, Tony. You’ve allowed me to be lazy. The only thing I’ll lift from your site is the following two pictures, which I need to categorize under “NOT OKAY:”

In a move later regretted by both, Seals takes Crofts to prom.

“Please, God, don’t let Crofts eat me.”

Seals & Crofts had released three albums as a duo following their departure from The Champs, but it wasn’t until 1972 when their fourth, Summer Breeze, was a smash, reaching #7 on the Billboard charts. However, don’t be fooled into thinking that the album was purely a duo effort: Seals & Crofts employed no less than three drummers, four bassists and five pianists – including John Ford Coley. (In your face, England Dan!) And, in true Mellow Gold fashion…only one electric guitar. That’s what I’m talkin’ about!

“Summer Breeze,” as a single, reached #6 on the Hot 100, and #4 on the AC charts. Wisely, Warner Bros chose to release the single over the summer – unlike, say, David Geffen, who released Don Henley’s “Boys Of Summer” in December. But I digress. “Summer Breeze” was a deserved hit – a simple, pleasant – dare I say, breezy and fine – tune, in and out in under three-and-a-half minutes.

Why so perfect? Well, we could start by checking out that opening riff – instantly recognizable, no? I’d argue that many people would know it just from those four guitar notes, but certainly anyone would recognize it by the time the horn part kicks in. Incidentally, the only horn-esque instrument credited on the record is a saxophone, but that opening doesn’t sound much like a sax to me. Maybe it’s a woodblock.

As for the verses, I’d guess that most people don’t pay too much attention to them. I mean, let’s face it: “Summer Breeze” is all about the chorus. Did you know that one of the verse lyrics is “See the smile a-waitin’ in the kitchen, food cookin’ and the plates for two?” I sure as hell didn’t! And who cares? All I care about is the following: “Summer breeze makes me feel fine, blowin’ through the jasmine in my mind miiiiiiind.”

Now, I wasn’t aware that you could actually have jasmine in your mind miiiiiind. Were they smoking jasmine? Were they cannibals who actually ate someone named Jasmine? (I have cannibals on the brain because last week, my play, Postcards From A Dead Dog, was in a competition opposite a number of plays, including one about cannibalism. The guy apparently wrapped turkey meat around his arm, and then people methodically picked it off and ate it. Oh, and later on, he stuck a hypodermic needle in his eye. We didn’t win the competition. I’m praying they did.)

And what about this business of “makes me feel fine?” Could we not come up with a better, more enthusiastic word than “fine?” Cutting my toenails makes me feel fine. I wouldn’t put it on the same level as a summer breeze, though. When you think about it, it’s the kind of phrase that fits right in with a song like “I’d Really Love To See You Tonight,” which is chock-full of mellow ambivalence.

We already know that most Mellow Gold songs are big on harmony. The more voices, the better, right? At the very most, “Summer Breeze” has three, but mostly, it’s just Seals & Crofts. The two only sing together in harmony during the chorus, and on the word “mind.” Why, I ask you, is that one harmony so freakin’ awesome? It’s so simple, yet so beautiful. I don’t even mind that there were three voices on the words “summer breeze” and we lost one of them immediately following. I also love the chorus because I work relatively close to Sotheby’s, and few days go by where I don’t pass the building and sing “Sotheby’s…”

And the bridge. Oh man, the bridge! The bridge rocks! And a clever lead-in, to boot – the duo echo (in unison, dammit) the main song’s riff, and then suddenly, holy shit – we’re in a Chicago song! Listen to those horns in the background! And once I actually paid attention to the lyric – “And I come home from a hard day’s work, and you’re waiting there, not a care in the world” – I realized two things. 1) Tenacious D has made it impossible for me to sing anything other than “a hard day’s rockin’,” and 2) I love that lyric. And what could be better – the bridge leads right back into the verse, but this time, we get some glorious vocals behind the first line. Unfortunately, though, just like that, they’re gone again. Oh, Seals. And Crofts. Why must you tease us so?

So yeah. I love “Summer Breeze.” And I’m not the only one. Let’s talk remakes and remixes.

Remakes & Remixes

I’ve posted some remixes on here before – actually, come to think of it, I think they’ve all been Christopher Cross remixes. (I almost posted a “Club Mix” of “I’ve Never Been To Me” but thought better of it.) Those remixes have pretty much sucked. I don’t blame you if you refuse to ever trust me again when it comes to remixes. But if you’re willing to just give me one more chance (to show you that I love you), then download this one remix.

In 2004 – back when I still watched commercials, I remember seeing an ad for The Gap that featured this awesome remix of “Summer Breeze.”. I loved it instantly, and I guess I wasn’t alone, because “Summer Breeze (Philp Steir Remix)” was released as a single on iTunes a few weeks later, and even reached #15 hit on the Billboard AC chart! Not too shabby. As remixes go, this one is pretty classy.

Seals & Crofts – Summer Breeze (Philip Steir Remix) (download)

By Tony’s estimation on the S & C website, there have been well over 30 covers of “Summer Breeze.” The first one appeared only one year after its initial release, courtesy of the Isley Brothers, who slowed it down and funked it up. I personally don’t care for this cover, but maybe it’s more your style.

The Isley Brothers – Summer Breeze (download)

If you really want to hear “Summer Breeze” slowed down – and completely remade – check out this cover. I’m including it here because I think it’s just funny that a Type O Negative song would make its way over to this website, and on a Mellow Gold post to boot. Mellow miners, I am not responsible for what happens should you choose to download this one.

Type O Negative – Summer Breeze (download)

In 2007, the powerhouse (and I use the term quite loosely) team of Tommy Shaw and Jack Blades released an album of cover tunes, called Influence. “Summer Breeze” is the first track. I’ll be honest with you: I didn’t hate it. I actually dug their choices of instrumentation, and thought that Shaw added a few higher harmonies that didn’t suck. But of course, they took it too far. Shaw added some completely unnecessary harmonies right before the bridge. I wish Dennis DeYoung was singing this one. Eat it, Shaw!

Shaw-Blades – Summer Breeze (download)

Note that Jason Mraz has remade “Summer Breeze” – you can find it on the Everwood soundtrack – but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let jasonhare.com become a conduit for his special oh-so-annoying brand of putting a big breath before every word and his “brah lah dah hah dee dah dah listen to my voice crack repeatedly” bullshit.

Okay, just a snippet. Just to prove how much he needs to be punched in the mouth. And I actually liked his first album. I’m thinking about setting it on fire now. I’d rather listen to the WSP D-Bag than Jason Mraz at this point.

[audio:http://www.wwmmd.net/tunes/inline/mrazbreeze1.mp3]

Right? Right? Crofts needs to kick some Mraz ass.

In 2004, Seals & Crofts reunited to re-record some of their greatest hits. But rest easy, friends – they didn’t throw a rap in the middle like Alan O’Day. In fact, their cover of “Summer Breeze” isn’t really much of an update – a bit more echo on the vocals, a few more instruments here and there – it doesn’t really improve on the original, but it’s certainly pleasant as well.

Seals & Crofts – Summer Breeze (2004 remake) (download)

Okay, enough downloads: time for video! Here’s Seals & Crofts performing on The Midnight Special!

[youtube]DYgzayIscYU[/youtube]

I love this clip! TV was just so much better in the ’70s! The sound mix is poor! Seals’ hat completely covers his eyes! Crofts’ hair looks like it came from one of those Playmobil characters!

This clip, from the 1991 Oregan State Fair, really doesn’t bring anything to the table. But look at Crofts! He’s rockin’ the Jeff Lynne face, the Slash top hat, and the midwest prostitute cowboy boots! He’s making all sorts of rock faces – watch it all the way to the end! And look – on bass, it’s Billy Ray Cyrus!

[youtube]DTG1vNKdxwo[/youtube]

This clip actually makes me a bit sad, actually. Crofts clearly never read Gestures One Must Not Make While Playing A Mandolin.

Well, folks, if you loved “Summer Breeze” before, either you really love it now, or you’re praying for the turning of the leaves. Either way, I think I’ve done my job. See you next week for another edition of Adventures Through The Mines Of Mellow Gold!

Hang on to your precious lil’ mining hats, my mellow friends: today we’re going deep, deep into the mines. How deep? Deep enough that the song we’re covering never came anywhere near the Top 40, was never released as a single, and isn’t even included on most of their Greatest Hits compilations…and yet, I say without any sense of exaggeration that it really doesn’t get any mellower – and somehow, lazier – than this.

England Dan and John Ford Coley – Hold Me (download)

Seriously, folks – this track is one of the more obscure ones I’ve got in the collection. I honestly don’t even know how it got there. I have a hunch it showed up on Pandora at some point, but I can’t be sure. But either way, ladies and gentlemen of the wuss jury, I intend to prove that just one listen of this song will leave the men with empty nutsacs and the women thoroughly unsatisfied.

Now, of course, you all remember the biggest and brightest Mellow Gold hit from Dan Seals and John Colley (not a typo), “I’d Really Love To See You Tonight.” You can read My Top Five Interesting Facts About England Dan And John Ford Colley back in Mellow Gold 13. (You’ll also get a chance to see Terje’s Mellowmas creation, which always impresses and worries me.) Catch up and come on back. We’re not here to talk about the linen movin’ in today. Nor are we here to talk about any of their other Top 40 singles or even “In It For Love,” a fantastic mellow gem of theirs that Dave P sent me. They’ll all be covered in due time. And if I catch any of you guys talking about Todd Rundgren again, I’m going to have Dan Hill deliver a singing mellowgram to your bedroom at 4 in the morning. Don’t test me. I’ll do it.

Anyway, when we last saw the dynamic duo, they were just finishing up their latest photo session at the local Sears.

I feel like it’s only a matter of time before Ben Stiller and Luke Wilson adopt these roles.

The guys were doin’ pretty well, actually. Although they were in danger of being swallowed whole by their massive fucking collars, they managed to find success with a few other songs: two from Nights Are Forever (including the biggie), and two from their next album, Dowdy Ferry Road. If you think that album title’s awkward, consider one of the singles: “It’s Sad To Belong.” Sounds like it belongs on a perverse episode of Sesame Street or something. Anyhoo, it’s on their next album where we uncover today’s song.

Man, were these guys fucking downers or what? 4 hits in the Top 40 and “Some Things Don’t Come Easy?” Screw you guys! Firefall would have killed for your career, you assholes! There’s an especially earnest review of this album on AllMusic. I’m particularly fond of these two gems:

“If Dowdy Ferry Road was their bleak moment in song, Some Things Don’t Come Easy is the calm before the storm, a port prior to the schizophrenia that was Dr. Heckyll and Mr. Jive.”

All I want to do is call Joe Viglione in the middle of the night and tease him for listening to enough of England Dan and John Ford Coley that he can make a comparison like this one. But I won’t. Here’s the part I really love:

“They look alike on the smiling, happy airbrushed front cover, but you can almost see sadness in their eyes on the photos on the back.”

Ten minutes is longer than anybody should take to try and find the back cover on the ‘net, so if you can locate it, let us know. Interesting, though, that Joe mentioned the misleading smiles on the cover, but didn’t note the most misleading part of all – the electric guitar!

Anyway, the hit from this album was “We’ll Never Have To Say Goodbye Again” (and oh boy, is that one mellow), but I think “Hold Me” is much more interesting, mainly because it’s actually not really interesting at all. Instead, when listening to this song, one can’t help but feel like the duo merely decided to cash in on the mellow formula that they knew was a sure-fire hit. The song was written by Coley and two other guys – Bob Gundry and Simon Waltzer – who, as far as I can tell, haven’t really written anything else. It’s almost as of the three of them found a refrigerator-magnet set of mellow keywords, and just kind of put them together. Shall we? (Note: I couldn’t even find these lyrics online, which meant I had to listen to the song, pausing repeatedly, to transcribe these. No need to thank me. Everything I do, I do it for you.) Oh, and in case I haven’t mentioned it yet, I think this song is being sung to a whore. Let’s go!

Some loves are easy
And some are just games

Oh boy, England Dan, do I hear you on that one.

Sometimes the one you love doesn’t even have a name

Took me a minute to figure out what the hell this line meant. Now that I understand it, I don’t think it’s a very nice thing to say. Hookers have names. Isn’t that right, Charlene?

Sometimes I run away

And, of course, the image in your head should be some guy running down the block in his Fruit Of The Loom tighty-whities, clutching his jeans in his arms, tears rolling down his face, wondering if he left his wallet on the nightstand.

But this time I’ll stay

Oh, that’s a relief.

‘Cause you say your love will mend what’s broken

Shame, E.D.! That’s just a line they use so that you’ll squander away those “Diamond Girl” royalties your brother lent you!

Oh, wait a minute – here comes the best part: the chorus!

So hold me
Tell me that you’ll be here tomorrow
Just hold me
Do you have a love I can borrow?

Wuss jury, I present to you Exhibit A, and the only exhibit I really need to put forth: “Do you have a love I can borrow?” I’m seriously having a hard time thinking that these schmucks were earnestly asking such a question. In fact, some part of me wants to believe that this was just a way to rhyme with “tomorrow.” I need to believe it, because if not, then that means that these people are the wimpiest people ever to walk this Earth.

Except for maybe one person, whom you may have thought of already.

For those of you who aren’t fans of The Simpsons, here’s a brief clip where Kirk attempts to seduce his soon-to-be-ex-wife back into loving him via romantic serenade:

[youtube]U0nZMk7NpjA[/youtube]

Go ahead. Try and convince me that the lyrics to “Hold Me” are any better than “Can I Borrow A Feeling?”.

And honestly! What does “do you have a love I can borrow” even mean? Are these guys so meek, so tentative that they wouldn’t dare actually ask a woman to give her love without any condition attached? If he really is talking to a hooker (and how fucked up would it be if I was right?), is he just deluding himself, thinking that what she’s giving him is actually love, when we know that what she’s really giving him is chlamydia? How did this get past Mellow Quality Control?

I’m not even through the chorus yet!

‘Cause the fire in your eyes
Makes my heart ignite

That’s the chlamydia talking, England Dan.

So hold me
Hold me tonight

Note the pronunciation of “hold” here: it’s got that a little bit of a breath behind it – the kind that is usually only used when the “hold me” phrase is supposed to be especially dramatic. I think this is an Seals/Coley thing: remember the way we heard the word “while” back in “I’d Really Love To See You Tonight”? (You don’t? Damn – clearly I’m working too hard here.)

The chorus is over and we’re back to that piano riff (which, by the way, makes me want to break into “Oh No” by The Commodores). Why mess with the formula, fellas? More lazy, wussy lyrics, please!

Some loves are spoken
And some understood

Are we doing a compare/contrast thing again, here? Are you saying that loves that are spoken are not understood? Or that to understand love, you can’t speak it? Are we talking about the kind of love that dares not speak its name (a.k.a. in the butt)?

Sometimes you throw away a love that seems so good

/smacks head on desk

Now here I am with you
Feeling hope again
This time I hope there’ll be no ending

I’m about 20 seconds away from just throwing in the towel, people.

More chorus, then…you guessed it: Bridge!

Let our souls unite
You’ll be the love in my life
Tell me that it’s not just for the night

Ah HA! It is a hooker! I knew it!

Here’s the one interesting part of the song: from the bridge, they go right back into the chorus, but they sneak in a key change. At least I think it’s a key change. I can’t tell, for some reason, and the fact that an England Dan & John Coley song is making me question my own musical abilities is messing with my head right now. And check out that ending – how they decide not to resolve to the root chord. There’s a reason for this, I’m sure. What it is, though, completely eludes me. Either way, it doesn’t change the fact that this song, while containing everything we look for in a Mellow Gold tune, seems disingenuous, somehow. I didn’t know it was possible to phone in a mellow performance before I heard “Hold Me.” In a way, this song represents the best and worst of Mellow Gold. I dunno. What do you guys think? Perhaps if this had been their debut performance on the charts, I’d believe them. But with the amount of mellow hits they had, and the fact that their eyes (supposedly) looked so sad on the back of the LP, I just can’t help but wonder if this song was formulaic filler.

Well, no matter: the boys managed to hold on to the formula a while longer, for just a few more singles, before they broke up and went their separate ways. Dan Seals headed towards the country market, where he amassed an impressive 11 #1s, 7 of them consecutive. He now tours with his brother Jim as part of Seals & Seals. (You can go to their website if you wish, but be aware that each time you load it, you’ll have to sit through a five-minute Flash presentation.) John Ford Coley left the business temporarily after the split, but you can find him touring this summer with the likes of Christopher Cross, Ambrosia, Stephen Bishop, and holy shit, I have to go right now and see if I can catch one of these shows.

I don’t know whether to be disgusted with this song or enamored with its mellowness, but either way, I’m out of time. See you soon for another Adventure Through The Mines Of Mellow Gold!

Welcome back to another week of Adventures Through The Mines Of Mellow Gold! Before I get started – anybody see The Simpsons a couple of weeks ago, where Homer becomes a fireman? Mellow Gold Alert: there’s a montage with Homer near the end of the episode, and “Sad Eyes” by Robert John is playing. Could it be? Are The Simpsons producers reading this website? Definitely not. But I was still excited.

Anyway, on to the wuss music! This week, I chose a song that doesn’t really need much snarking. It’s simply a great song that always puts a smile on my face, and wouldn’t you know it, it’s from a band that we’ve previously unearthed from the mines!

Little River Band – Lady (download)

We last talked about Little River Band back in Mellow Gold #9. I’m sure you all go back and review those entries on a daily basis, but in case you’ve forgotten:

Hailing from Australia (which you’d never know from the vocals, clearly influenced by the music of the west coast), Little River Band originated as a band called Mississippi, but found that Australians didn’t seem to care for a band with such an American name. A street sign on their way to a gig in Australia influenced them to change their minds. Already huge in Australia, the band attempted to make it big in the UK, but were met with general indifference (much like other Australian bands at the time). Their manager, however, already had a strong sense of the American industry, and decided to set the band’s sights on the States.

Little River Band flourished in America: they became the first Australian band to truly hit it big, and sustain that success, in the United States. Between 1978 and 1982, the band had six consecutive singles in the Top 10, which at the time made them the only band – period – to claim such a feat. While their single “Lady” remains their best-selling single to date, “Reminiscing” was their highest charter, peaking at #5.

“Lady” reached #10 and stayed on the charts for an impressive 14 weeks. In my previous entry, I declared “Reminiscing” to be my favorite, but now that I’m paying attention to “Lady”, I’m not sure. “Reminiscing” is definitely a cooler song musically, with fantastic chords (I know, ’cause I can’t play ’em), but “Lady” has so much going for it. It starts off all smooth, light guitar and piano, and then slowly builds into a song that actually kinda rocks. LRB throws in some strings, a little bit of guitar, and before we know it, we’re groovin’ into the chorus in something that almost feels….rock-ish. Crazy, I know! It does this multiple times. It’s some kind of mellow deception, I tell you. Actually, I’ll give most of the credit to the bassline, which seems to set the tone for the rest of the instruments – especially in that chorus. And at one point, there’s even some other percussion that I think actually is a fucking woodblock.

And how about these lyrics? They’re definitely mellow; only a true wimp could write “feel for the winter but don’t have a cold heart” and not burst out laughing afterwards. And did I mention that the name of the song is “Lady”? If we’ve been over it once, we’ve been over it a thousand times: when we’re deep in the mines, a telltale sign that we’ve struck mellow gold is a song calling a female “woman” or “lady.” Ever tried to say this out loud, by the way? Doesn’t work. (Trust me.)

However, let’s give some credit to songwriter Graeham Goble: remember back when we talked about “Reminiscing” and those double-edged lyrics? He writes this wonderful story about looking back on life and then twists the knife by stating “oh, the times we’re missing spending the hours reminiscing.” Well, Goble does something similar here: he expresses a sweet, genuine sentiment, but can’t help but throw a wink at us as well. I know, because this little wink got me into some trouble the other day.

So all through the weekend, I was singing this song. Couldn’t help it: the sun was shining, I was grilling in the backyard, I was in a great mood. So I’m singing the song to my wife, and get to the chorus (which, as we previously mentioned, is the best part). I sing the first line:

So lady, let me take a look at you now
You’re there on the dance floor making me want you somehow

Only problem is, the look I’m getting from my wife is one of those “you’re in the doghouse” looks. I can’t figure out why until she points out to me that “you’re there on the dance floor making me want you somehow” is actually relatively insulting – you know, like “it’s unbelievable that a beast like you could actually turn me on.” I tried to dig myself out of the hole by continuing:

Lady, I think it’s only fair I should say to you
Don’t be thinking that I don’t love you, ’cause maybe I do

Thanks, Little River Band. You ruined my Sunday.

So these lyrics are kinda sucky. I guess I never noticed it because of those stellar harmonies. Shit, change it to “lady, let me throw a book at you now” and I’ll still feel the same way about the awesomeness of this song.

Like many other bands of this era and genre, Little River Band experienced their share of personnel changes. In 1981, lead singer Glenn Shorrock left the group (or was fired, depending on who you ask), and was replaced by fellow Australian John Farnham. Farnham was primarily known in his home country for a novelty single called “Sadie (The Cleaning Lady)” and had recently hired LRB’s manager to take charge of his career. Farnham eventually had his own dramas with Little River Band, and went on to create his own unbelievably successful career in his home country – but that’s a story for another Mellow Gold entry. I mention him here because, in my mind, he furthered the mellow deception: his unbelievable voice helped turn some of their smoothest songs – including “Lady” – into rockers.

A few days ago, I was perusing YouTube and came across FritzRitz’s extensive LRB/Farnham collection. Included was a live version of “Lady,” audio only, that blew my mind. (Let’s not think about how sad it is that this song blew my mind.) I asked nicely and FritzRitz generously sent me the song to share with all of you. There are two noticeable skips in the song, which are a bummer, to be sure, but I don’t think it’ll take away from your general enjoyment of the song.

Little River Band (with John Farnham) – Lady (live) (download)

Rockin’, right? Check out some of the other videos on YouTube with LRB featuring Farnham, while I go searching for a live bootleg featuring this incarnation of the band. Farnham’s voice impresses the hell out of me. I don’t recommend you listen to his version of “Reminiscing” – a bit too much on the vocal gymnastics for my taste – but when I eventually convince my band that we must cover “Lady,” this is the version I’m sending them. Well, I’d throw the piano back in. But other than that, this song is perfect. I plan on listening to it all summer. I feel bad for those around me.

See you next week for another Adventure Through The Mines Of Mellow Gold! Thanks for reading!

So.

Apparently you guys weren’t on board for last week’s selection, “Couldn’t Get It Right.” Hell, you were even skeptical that there was any cowbell in the song at all. (To your credit, though, I’ve never been witness to such a spirited discussion of cowbell v. woodblock.) It’s okay. I admit I was slightly devastated affected by it, but I can’t spend time sulking, no matter how mellow a reaction it might be. I know what I’ve got to do. I’ve got to rebound. I’ve got to come back strong.

I’ve got to ride.

Christopher Cross – Ride Like The Wind (download)

Behold, mellow fans! This is what happens when a pussy puts on a cowboy hat and chaps!

We’ve encountered Christopher Cross twice before whilst spelunking deep in these mines (which I think now makes him our most frequently-covered artist so far), but oddly enough, the songs we’ve covered were not part of his unbelievable smash debut album. “Ride Like The Wind” was the first single – and an impressive entrance onto the pop scene at #2, I might add – from Christopher Cross. Yes, that’s one balls-to-the-wall album title right there, but if nothing else, it helps you understand why this song – his most uptempo, “gritty” hit – still sounds like it’s swimming upstream in oatmeal.

So, what’s the inspiration behind a wild – wild! – song like “Ride Like The Wind?” It’s hard to say. Perhaps Cross was inspired by his Texas upbringing, but let me tell you – growing up in Texas doesn’t automatically make you a cowboy. I grew up on Long Island, and I’m not a spoiled little…well, maybe this isn’t the best example. But look – this is the same man who felt that fantasy got the best of him while he was sailing, and we’re supposed to believe that he was some kind of outlaw, on the run (no time to speak)? I don’t buy it. Do you? Did anybody, even with the song being the world’s introduction to the man? Let’s examine the facts here:

1) Music. The strongest percussion in here comes from the bongos, apparently trying to replicate the sound of a horse. A horse that was doing some kind of two-step, apparently, but a horse nonetheless.

2) Lyric. “I was born the son of a lawless man.” Christopher Cross’s dad was an army officer. That seems pretty, uh…what’s the polar opposite of lawless? Not lawless? Yeah. That’s totally not lawless.

3) General Fact. This man wrote “Sailing.” I rest my case.

And don’t forget this lyrical gem: “Always spoke my mind with a gun in my hand.” Seriously. Are you buying this? And if you said “yes,” then you’re obviously Christopher Cross’s mom, and you don’t count. I did a play once where I had to smoke a cigarette. (If you can’t imagine how awkward this looks, imagine Christopher Cross trying to get on a horse. Same thing.) My mom told me I did “a very nice job.” She was lying. My point is that you can try to escape who you are, but you had better have some cojones behind it. Or at least a snare drum. I’m just saying.

For argument’s sake, let’s pretend for a second that we’re on board with this absurd role-playing fantasy. Mr. Cross is some kind of outlaw. And I can relate. Can’t we all? I ask you: who among us hasn’t had to ride, ride like the wind, to be free again? What’s that? None of us? Okay, clearly this isn’t working. I just can’t be convinced, no matter what.

Even the first line is making it difficult for me to go along with this story: “It is the night, my body’s weak.” I know what I’m supposed to think.

Exterior: Death Valley, CA
Time: 9:00 PM

The sun has set, but the temperature is still a blistering 92°. Our protagonist is stumbling through miles of flat, dusty terrain. He can still hear the rumble of horses’ hooves, but he isn’t sure whether he’s still being followed or they’re merely in his head. In his mouth is the taste of sand, kicked up by his spurs. He desperately wants to rest, but he can’t. It is the night. His body’s weak. He’s on the run, no time to speak. He’s got to ride. Ride like the wind.

Instead, this is all I can really think of:

Interior: Dunkin’ Donuts, Grand Rapids, MI
Time: 10:30 PM

The sun has set, but the temperature inside is still a cool 62°. Our protagonist is lying on the floor near the cash register. He can still hear the sound of the cashier, asking him if he’s sure he wants a fifth French Cruller, but he isn’t sure whether it’s just the sound of his rumbling gut echoing in his ears. In his mouth is the taste of glazed sugar. He desperately wants to eat another one, but he can’t. It is the night. His body’s weak. He’s trying to roll over, no time to speak. He’s got to eat. Eat like the wind.

Now this, I’m buying.

But it wasn’t just the lyrics. It was the vocal. As I said in a previous Mellow Gold, the vocal for “Ride Like The Wind” is edgy if you consider Emo Phillips edgy. He doesn’t sound like he’s in danger, or even mildly threatened. He just sounds so whiny, and…hey, you know who he sounds like? He sounds like that d-bag from Washington Square Park!

[audio:http://www.wwmmd.net/tunes/inline/rideliketheramen.mp3]

Anyway, you all know what I’m leading up to at this point: the fact that the reason this song was a #2 hit – and a Mellow Gold classic – is because of one person.

I don’t know how they met, and frankly, I don’t give a shit. All that’s important was that McD joined Cross in the studio, and added some great lead vocal lines – most likely because Cross was busy with an Egg McMuffin.

I know that you’re all chomping at the bit right now, thinking “SCTV! SCTV!” Here’s the clip from SCTV – later referenced in a Yacht Rock ep – of Michael McDonald recording his vocal.

[youtube]tvmVeYgMpLM[/youtube]

I like this clip, but it drives me nuts, because it’s historically inaccurate: they don’t include McD singing the “ba da ba da” part. That was, like, all McD, man! Damn.

Anyway, you have to love McD’s part on this song. (And I mean that: it’s a requirement for visiting this site.) I think the whole song should have been McD. My favorite McD moment in this song is the very last “such a long way to go.” It’s a bit varied from the others, and has that sound of “C’mon, Chris, how many more times are you gonna make me sing this line? I can’t write this for you,” with Chris in the control booth, speculating on how much of a moneymaker McD will be, frantically betting on horses and going, “Just one more, Mike! Please!”

So although the truth is probably that the Cross/McD hookup was probably orchestrated by producer Michael Omartian or somebody at Warner Bros owed a favor, the two became friends and co-collaborators. (One day we’ll take a look at the non-MG song “Someday,” by Cross with McD backing vocals. Jeff sent it to me one day and I subquently played it 14 times in a row.) Here’s a performance of “Ride Like The Wind” from McD’s A Gathering Of Friends DVD.

[youtube]lIza6AvI4MA[/youtube]

It strikes me that going to see Christopher Cross live might be the most tepid concert imaginable. Although here’s what makes this clip awesome:

– Christopher Cross actually sounding weak on “My body’s weak.” I’ve heard three live performances of this song, and I have yet to hear him actually hit the right note on the word “weak.” How apropos! He just always goes a little flat.

– Backing vocals: Kim Carnes, y’all! Top single of 1981, and now she’s singing backup on “Ride Like The Wind” in The Michael McDonald Band.

– Michael McDonald’s vocals, obviously, but specifically his last “such a long way to go,” which impresses Cross enough that he forgets to come in with the next line and has to rush it, and his ad-libs over Cross’s guitar solo.

– Cross’s guitar solo. He’s a great fucking guitarist, actually, which you’d never know from the mellow original. See, on the original, he’s rippin’ it on guitar, but Omartian knew: don’t put the guitar higher than McD. Nobody knows you play guitar, Chris, and that’s okay. Let them think you just sit and eat Combos while the Doobie Brother does the heavy lifting.

Need more Cross/McD? Here’s a clip from ’98, notable because McD is playing keyboards and looks like he came from the same Dunkin’ Donuts that Cross just left. Also, Cross still can’t hit the notes. He gets points for consistency, though.

Despite all this ribbing, “Ride Like The Wind” has endured as a classic, and not just to us mellow-lovin’ dorks enthusiasts. The kids seem to like “Ride Like The Wind” as well. Do a search on iTunes, and you’ll find countless remixes and remakes – even entire EPs – devoted to “Ride Like The Wind.” Here are two for your listening pleasure:

Ride Like The Wind (remix) (download) I don’t know anything about this one except that Jeff gave it to me. I think he has an entire album of Christopher Cross and Stephen Bishop dance mixes.

Ride Like The Wind (Layman Mix) (download) – this one comes from the excellent Born Again ’80s, which you should check out if, you know, you like ’80s songs. And remixes.

Well, I think I’ve made enough fat jokes for one week, don’t you? Ride like the wind, mellow miners, and we’ll see you next time on Adventures Through The Mines Of Mellow Gold!

I received many awesome, musical presents for my birthday yesterday (Jason Falkner CD!  A melodica!  Concert tickets!  My wife bought me a MANDOLIN!), but there’s one gift I got that I thought you guys would especially appreciate.  This one comes from Mike, who came up with the idea, and his wonderful girlfriend Colleen, who actually crafted it.

Colleen even said she’d make me more if I want.  I’m thinking about getting them in every pastel color imaginable, and ONLY wearing Pablo Cruise t-shirts on weekends for the entire summer.  I can’t even tell you how much in love I am with this shirt…but then again, if you’re a regular here, you probably understand completely.

Speaking of Colleen, she’s mad as hell and not going to take it anymore.  See her post on Mike’s blog today, and stay tuned for her own website, launching soon.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!