The Seventeenth Day of Mellowmas: Felixmas!
Happy Seventeenth Day of Mellowmas! Just eight days until Christmas…and then this will all be over. Until then, just grin and bear it while Jeff and I devolve into perverse sexual references and mocking each other’s mom.
Felix Cavaliere – Christmas In Your Arms (download or stream below)
From A Classic Rock Christmas Amazon iTunes
Jason: Hahahahah! I don’t know why that opening made me laugh.
Jeff: It’s an involuntary reflex. Like gagging. Which is what I did when the vocals came in.
Jason: The acoustic guitars were nice, but the synths? Totally unnecessary. This song has nothing to do with Christmas, I bet.
Jeff: “Christmas in your arms is my dream.”
Jason: He probably just inserted “Christmas” instead of whatever word was there before. Like “my balls.”
Jeff: Ha ha ha ha ha! Yes!
Jason: “My balls in your arms is my dream.”
Jeff: “A Cleveland Steamer.”
Jason: “A Donkey Punch.”
Jeff: “A Dirty Sanchez.” “A One-Eyed Redskin.”
Jason: Whoa, I don’t know that one!…Wait, are we just naming gross things now?
Jeff: I think we are.
Jason: I’m waiting for a Christmas-specific lyric. There isn’t one yet.
Jeff: This song is stupid.
Jason: Wait, he just said something about…spices. And he just said “the THOUGHT that I’ll be near you,” and I could have sworn he said “FUCK that I’ll be near you.” Oooh, acoustic guitar solo!
Jeff: VERY tasteful. I wish he’d shut up.
Jason: I don’t even know who this guy is. Do we call him when José Feliciano can’t make it to the studio?
Jeff: I think his kid was a child guitar prodigy.
Jason: It’s time to cherish all the love you’ve given my balls. I mean, me.
Jeff: Do not ask me why I think this.
Jason: With a name like Felix Cavaliere, can you do anything else but play guitar?
Jeff: Ha! I’d like to play this song for every woman I know, and ask them how they’d react if a guy performed it for them. “Merry Christmas, baby.”
Jason: Dude, when I hear those synths going in and out of the left/right channels, I get a little nauseous. There was very little that was Christmasy about that song.
Jeff: You’re just saying that because he’s Mexican.
Jason: Again with you trying to make me into a racist for no apparent reason. Is this because I said that the Pendergrass song sounded like it was “Congo” by Genesis?
Jeff: If your main concern is that the reason isn’t apparent, why don’t you just come out and tell everyone what the reason is? Go ahead.
Jason: No, you tell me. I want to know. Also, I don’t really know what we’re talking about or where this came from. So lay it on me, Jefito Claus.
Jeff: I’m not telling everyone about what happened between your mother and the gardener. That’s your secret to share.
Jason: You’ve been watching too much “Desperate Housewives.”
Jeff: Either way, I totally understand why you’re a racist.
Jason: I can tell them what happened with me and your mother. Stuffing of the stocking was involved. Something was hung by the chimney with care.
Jeff: That didn’t make you a racist. It just made you take penicillin for awhile.
Jason: A while?
Jeff: Oh, still?
Jason: She packs a powerful punch.
Jeff: Well. Make sure you finish your prescription.
Jason: Wait. Are we talking about my mom or your mom? I get so confused.
Jeff: I think we’re talking about Felix Cavaliere and why he sucks.
Jason: Oh, that’s right. Thank you.
Jeff: Happy Mellowmas, everyone!
Jason: …and scene!
December 17th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Fine, piss on Felix all you want, but his mellowmellowmellow semi-hit “Only A Lonely Heart Sees” was pretty awesome…
December 17th, 2007 at 1:46 pm
Felix is actually a keyboard guy originally, best known for “1, 2, 3 … GOOD LOVIN’!” Yep, that’s him. You guys didn’t Wikipedia him?
Love the guitar in this one. Hate the synths.
December 17th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Felix was the singer for The Young Rascals. I can’t believe you self proclaimed musical heavyweights claim to have never heard of him. He was great.
This is a weak song with a simple hook, but that makes it perfect for lulling shoppers into heedless spending.
I’m all for any song that will help crowd Carol Of The Bells out of Christmas playlists.
Why is it that Jason doesn’t have the recurrent server problems that gave Jeff the rationalization he needed to deprive the world of the much enjoyed jefitoblog?
I’m just sayin’
December 17th, 2007 at 3:06 pm
I have an excuse for not knowing who Felix is: I’m not nearly as knowledgeable as most of you. I just fake it. I don’t know what Jeff’s excuse is, and even worse, he’s the one who picked this song in the first place.
Muddy, is that a question or wishful thinking? Jeff and I have different web hosts. Mine is apparently a tad more reputable than Jeff’s. Stay tuned, though…a Jefitoblog-related announcement should be coming soon.
December 17th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
I say, the only good use of The Young Rascals is in a steel cage match against The Lovin’ Spoonful. Felix and John Sebastian can beat each other senseless with hippy-dippy platitudes about being lazy bums in the park or some shit like that.
December 17th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
Dw, may God forgive you for reminding me of the day John Sebastian and Felix Cavaliere teamed up on “You and Me Go Way Back,” part of a project I saw John hawking on TV in an uncanny impression of Casey Kasem. (God knows what they used to lure Ronnie Spector into joining in, but I bet it was enticing. And controlled.)
December 17th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
What’s my excuse? I haven’t slept in two years. How about that? Does that work? No? Yeah, I didn’t think so. This is one of those things I’m sure I knew at one point, or maybe not, and I’m just telling myself that to stave off deep, crashing waves of shame. Either way, this song sucks balloon knot and you all know it.
December 17th, 2007 at 5:29 pm
A few years back, Kenny Loggins did a “doin’ the nasty on Christmas”-type song (in fact, it was called “Doin’ the Nasty on Christmas.” No, it really wasn’t). It sucked pretty bad. This one sucks worse.
Perhaps that can be the theme for Mellowmas 2008 — 25 days of mellow “Doin’ the Nasty on Christmas” songs. Might even get Starland Vocal Band back together. “Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight, gonna find some Christmas day delight.” Maybe with lines about stuffing stockings or sliding logs in the fire, or whatever else Jason did with Jeff’s mom. Any takers?
Rob
EightE1
December 17th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
May Jason’s server remain ever reliable.
Announcement about jefitoblog coming soon? Where have I heard that before? I might have to add that to the list of things that are hardly ever true… e.g. check’s in the mail, i promise not to come in your mouth, and Neil Young’s archive release date is just around the corner. Really though, it would be great to see Jeff back to blogging. I’m still an idiot, and I need much guidance.
The song sucks, but at least Felix is collecting royalties (pitifully small though they may be, at least for this song) in exchange for his moment of shame. I’d like to see Jeff post his most recent royalty statement… Then, you’d probably be regarded with the awe which you surely deserve. And Jeff still has his soul too.
I can hardly stand the tension… what horror of Mellowmas awaits us tomorrow?
December 17th, 2007 at 7:48 pm
Friggin’ kids today…
December 18th, 2007 at 7:41 am
Actually, Muddy, I did post a royalty statement once — it was a $.01 check from Columbia House for some publishing I own on a Tim Rushlow record. It isn’t my most recent, but it’s still the funniest. And Jason speaks the truth about the announcement “coming soon” — I won’t spoil it, but let me be the first to tell you that you should mark January 1 on your calendar.
December 18th, 2007 at 9:43 am
Jason: He probably just inserted “Christmas†instead of whatever word was there before.
1:
Christmas…on a Sunday afternoon
Feelin’…the turkey may be gone soon
2:
All the world over, so easy to see
People everywhere, it’s Chrismas Eve
Listen, please listen that’s the way it should be
Peace in the valley, get a big Christmas tree
3:
1…2…3…
Good Gifts (gimme those good good gifts)
Good Gifts (all I need are gifts)
Good Gifts (good good gifts now baby)
Good Gifts!